True Love (Villanelle)

A villanelle poem on obsession. For more of my writing, go to andrewhenleywriting.wordpress.com

A connection strung through halls of time,

No earthly force can separate.

Purposed eyes on her lips’ smile.

 

Unscalable Heaven, no mortals climb.

Linking eyes chained by fate,

A connection strung through halls of time.

 

Her shadow satiates awhile,

Affection lotused by my wait.

Purposed eyes on her lips’ smile.

 

But she is blind and I am mime,

Though ears welcome our destined date.

A connection strung through halls of time.

 

Monotone answer mocks my dial,

Empty table, perpetual late.

Purposed eyes on her lips’ smile.

 

Rejected proposal, rising bile,

Love’s blade warped reflection; hate

A connection strung through halls of time,

Purposed eyes watch her neck smile.

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

This is so strong, congratulations on the well-formed villanelle! (If you like this form, I wrote one, too!) I really like the imagery you created in many of your stanzas through careful word choice. However, the endline that reads "Purposed eyes on her lips' smile" feels a little vague -- what were you going for? Is there a better way to say it in that line, while keeping the rhythm and rhyme? Nice work!