Walkabout

Walkabout

A Story by Andronicus
"

random story

"

"I been walkabout," said Maureen handing Pop a chipped mug of hot tea. She eased herself into the battered armchair on the porch next to Pop. "Them alpacas up the road have gone. Only goats now." As usual, there was no reply from Pop. He simply scratched at his bearded chin; all white and scraggy.


From the brilliant blue sky above them the warm Australian sun beamed down. "We like snakes basking in the sun," Maureen thought staring at her gnarled black hands. "Red belly blacks." A flock of galahs screeched noisily overhead. A cool breeze made gum leaves quiver and a few fluttered gently to the dusty ground. There were dark clouds to the west. That meant a storm this afternoon. A comment from Pop suddenly startled Maureen out of her thoughts.


"Remember Laura?" He said.


"Eh, yeah I do. That girl that used to come talking to us hey." Maureen closed her eyes and cast her mind back. "Gotta be about three years back at least, if not four. Said she'd come to see them alpacas ya know."


Once again there was no reply from Pop. Maureen didn't mind though. She was used to providing the conversation.


"She used to come down here and lean over that front fence there. Didn't have much to say but she usta stay for a bit. That was back when we had Murphy hey. She knew all them names off; Murphy, Thursday, Good Friday, Scruffy and Shriek. Now we only got the last two and they gettin pretty old for dogs."


Leaning over her knees, Maureen lit a cigarette. She took a long drag and kept going. "Me an' that girl, we had some good yarns. She listened hard ya know. I telled her about all my life and she listened. I dunno know why she wanted to come yarn with us. Might be she learned something."


Maureen brought the cig to her lips again, "I wonder what she was looking for hey..."


Pop bent in his chair and slowly scratched at a sore on his leg until it glistened red. "I wonder if she found it," he said.


© 2016 Andronicus



Author's Note

Andronicus
appreciate any feedback :)

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Reviews

I love "slice of life" pieces. Done right they are complete and need nothing else to stand alone. This was well written and a perfect "slice of life" piece that says so much with few words. I think I'm a fan...

Posted 5 Months Ago


Andronicus

5 Months Ago

Yay! I'm so glad to hear it Carol. :) Thanks a lot for your kind review. This is one of my favorites.. read more
the way you describe this scene is amazing, you do it in such a way that it adds to the narrative instead of just being some vain descriptions. this is great!

Posted 9 Months Ago


Andronicus

9 Months Ago

Thanks David :) I'm glad you liked the story and the descriptions. Kind of you to give me all these .. read more
Such a wonderful, short little piece. I really wish I was half as good at creating a world - let alone in less than a page of writing. Everything about this is convincing and authentic. I enjoyed the mystery of "Laura," just enough to keep us wondering at the end.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Andronicus

10 Months Ago

You Octavia have created a world far better. I'm just describing a real world. You made up an imagin.. read more
Octavia

10 Months Ago

Oh my! A dream! Was it... interesting? ;-) Haha I am incredibly flattered that my world got into you.. read more
Andronicus

10 Months Ago

Was interesting to me but dreams are rarely interesting to anyone other than the dreamer...
Ha ha this is GREAT...Right up my alley, It reads like a part of an epic piece just as much as a single snapshot of life....You have a gift

Posted 10 Months Ago


Andronicus

10 Months Ago

Blushing, you're totally making my day Dr! Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)
Dr. Wood ?

10 Months Ago

Sleep for me now 1am you r very good gnite
I really like this story. It isn't anything insanely unique, but it's fantastic for what it is: just a simple, laid-back day in Aussieland. The scenery was a perfect compliment to the tone of Maureen and Pop's (one-sided) conversation. Amazingly simple, and simply amazing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

10 Months Ago

Clifford! How did I forget to respond to your amazingly insanely fantastic review! Sorry about the d.. read more
Reminded me of books like To Catch a Mockingbird, so well written and engrossing! I wish it was longer, if you happen to write more, please let me know. I am unfamiliar with Australian speech so it was quite an exciting read. Brilliant work for such a short piece, I really do wish there was more.
The only comment I have on the writing is that the part where Maureen is thinking to herself, it would look better in italics rather than in inverted commas, it also gives a nice look to the writing itself.


Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

1 Year Ago

I don't even know how to react to such a generous review! Thank you so much Eliot. I'm glad you enjo.. read more
Cool story. I like the ending. You didn't tell us what happened but somehow we know. I liked the style of the voice. I knew it was Australian from the get go. Very good.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

1 Year Ago

Thanks Jason. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading & reviewing. :)
Ahhh! A dinkum Aussie setting!

Very well written, Andronicus. Especially the twang that is used in the country, the language is very appropriate for the Australian country folk.

You ended the story in a thought provoking way. Although i did expect Pop to throw in a last clanger to tell us more about what really happened to Laura.

More excellent storytelling. Nice work.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

1 Year Ago

Doodley! Thanks for your generous review. I'm glad the dinkum setting & dialect worked for you. Thou.. read more
Superb - I really enjoyed this. In a very short piece you have described in vivid detail where the couple live and given us a flavour of their relationship. We are left wondering, like them, what has happened to the girl and what shows how good the writing is, that I actually care.
Well done.
Alan

Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much Alan! That is terribly kind of you. How nice of you to actually care! I'm sure thi.. read more
Like always, your descriptions are top-notch and the story is a perfect mix of complex yet simple. It makes me think so much, like they always do. You really have a gift for this type of writing! It's amazing. Good job

Posted 1 Year Ago


Andronicus

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot Dante. I'm very happy to hear that my writing leaves you with something complex yet sim.. read more

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Added on June 12, 2016
Last Updated on July 23, 2016

Author

Andronicus
Andronicus

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“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at ev.. more..

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