Wäre ich ... / Would I be ... / Si je serais ...

Wäre ich ... / Would I be ... / Si je serais ...

A Poem by Angel Bird
"

A German poem with an English and French translation.

"

 

Wäre ich ein Land

so wollte ich sein

eins ohne Hungersnot,

Krieg und Misere

 

Wäre ich Tinte

so wollte ich sein

Worte von Glück,

Frieden und Zufriedenheit

 

Wäre ich eine Berührung

so wollte ich sein

sanft und zärtlich

und doch erquickend

 

Wäre ich ein Buch

so wollte ich sein

ein lustiges, naturverbundenes

und philosophisches Werk

 

Wäre ich Musik

so wollte ich sein

verführerisch und träumerisch

und einladend zumTanz

 

Wäre ich ein Baum

so wollte ich sein

inmitten der Natur,in reiner Luft

 und geniessen die Aussicht

 

Wäre ich mein Ich

so wollte ich sein

so wie ich wirklich bin, tief in mir drin

ohne Verstellen und Maskerade - eben einfach nur ICH! 

 

+°+°+°+°+°+°+°+°+

 

Would I be a country

I'd like to be

one without famine,

war and misery

 

Would I be ink

I'd like to be

words of happiness,

peace and contentment

 

Would I be a touch

I'd like to be

sensitive and tender

and also invigorating

 

Would I be a book

I'd like to be

a cheerful, close to Nature

and philosophical work

 

Would I be a tree

I'd like to be

amidst Nature, in pure air

enjoying the view

 

Would I be music

I'd like to be

swinging and dreamy,

and inviting to dance

 

Would I be my I

I'd like to be

as I really am - deep down within me

without feigning and masquerade - just simply I

 

+°+°+°+°+°+°+°+°+

 

Si je serais un pays

J'aimerais être

Un sans famine

Guerre et misère

 

Si je serais de l'encre

J'aimerais être

Des mots de bonheur

De paix et de satisfaction

 

Si je serais un contact

J'aimerais être

Doux et affectueux

Ainsi que réconfortant

 

Si je serais un livre

J'aimerais être

Un ouvrage gai, connecté à la nature

Et philosophique

 

Si je serais de la musique

J'aimerais être

Séduisant et rêveur

Et incitant à danser

 

Si je serais un arbre

J'aimerais être

Au plein milieu de la nature, entouré d'air pur

Et jouissant de la vue

 

Si je serais mon Moi

J'aimerais être

Comme réellement je suis au profond de moi-même

Sans dissimulation et mascarade - tout simplement MOI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


© 2008 Angel Bird



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I love the idea of this. I also like how you used the same basic beginning line in each stanza, it connects everything nicely. I agree with Rosary, though, I feel like something is missing. I don't know how you feel about constructive criticism, some people get offended when others try to help...but if you would like I think I could help you make this a little smoother. If you'd like. If you love this the way it is, then pay no mind to my criticism. I know a lot of times I pick certain things a certain way and other people don't like it. I think it's a wonderful poem and the idea is original, so don't think it's not a good piece. You did a damn good job...good luck in the contest! =)

Posted 2 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.



Reviews

You've done a very good job. :) r u like a professional writer or something???

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lovely thought :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Es ist eine se Idee, ein Gedicht im Konjunktiv zu schreiben, ich glaube, ich las mal so was hnliches, ich meine, vom Konzept her hnlich, von Hans Krupa, einer meiner Lieblingsdichter by the way....ich kann dieses deine Gedicht nicht genug empfehlen, weil es zu den Gedichten gehrt, in welchen.... ein Moment um Bewusstwerdung ringt aber nicht bettelt, und sein eigenes Gesicht zu zeichnen versucht...Is is ein Ideal der Persnlichkeit wie man sich selbst sehen will und es spiegelt die Naturverbundenheit, Harmonie der Dinge um dich herum....spielerisch-trumerisch hast du hier all die dir wichtigen Elemente dargestellt. Ich liebte es in seiner Unschuld und Einfachheit, schon weil die Wnsche so altruistisch erscheien. 6 Sterne.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A lovely idea, especially as they are my three favourite languages - I sing Scubert, always in German - and I am at one with the sentiments of your poem. Having some knowledge of German and French, I must confess to having no studied knowledge of Spanish yet love to read poetry in Spanish - Pablo Neruda, especially. It logically comes into English quite easily though of course the reverse is quite a different matter. Thank you,

JohnL

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Another beautiful piece! The consistency was simply marvelous. I love how you set each stanza up: "Would I be ____ / I would be," and continued on. You had simply beautiful flow from stanza to stanza. Your words were perfect for the subject that you chose. This piece was easy to read and very easy to enjoy, with nothing complicated to try to interpret. You are an amazingly talented writer.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very cute little piece. I absolutely adore the last little stanza. So true. Thanks again for entering the contest. You entered GREAT works.
KH

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The concept is solid, and I didn't find any grammar mistakes. I thought the concept alone is very catchy, and pleasing to read. You gave examples to what you would be in ceratin situations, and simly as you gave it to the reader, a solid piece.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
.
Angel
you ponder as a way of opening
heart like a book containing
the reasons for solice-happiness
your words create an amazingly peaceful
feeling-this is beautiful

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

<3<3<3

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 22, 2008
Last Updated on May 26, 2008


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Angel Bird
Angel Bird

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