A Day at the Beach

 

The waking sky burns,

  afire with glittering light--

    A new day is born.

 

Tide-lines come and go,

  a bejeweled ocean yawns--

    Morning’s sluggish end.

 

A misty veil falls,

  darkness on the horizon--

    Wings of night approach.

Reviews

[Manie]

Beautiful haikus that plays a lot on one's emotions. The words that you use in the beginning sets the tone to what seems to be a very "alive" setting. Words such as "burns", "afire" and "glittering". Then you use softer words that creates a very "calm" setting in the end (words such as "misty" and "falls"). I love your use of words, which even affected the way I read this poem. I started our reading the words much quicker in the beginning and then slowed down as the calming affect took over in the end, and you got me thinking and longing... and also good use of personification, of which my favorite line would be - "a bejeweled ocean yawns"... Great job!

[Forest Green]

A true image-maker...fine, feathery portrayal of what is and what has been....

Nicely done...

Daniel

[Don Coorough]

I don't believe the intention here is to make someone feel like they have spent a day on the beach. I think the intent here is to lead the reader to feel longing, to feel the emptiness in the distance spanned between sunrise and sunset, which, in so brief a time, this poem spans. The ocean yawns it's boredom with the regularity of humdrum. I think this is about the soul of a little bird, locked in a cage, unable to fly freely. It, like the ocean, sees life pass before its eyes without ever being able to engage with life. This is a really beautiful, really excellent write. Here, you really rely on the tools of a poetess, the metaphor and symbolism. Now here, you reach the objective, and make me feel, I think, what you were feeling as you wrote it. (Either that, or I am so far off base I've grown ignorant in my senility!) Beautiful writing! - EllisD

[KUFU]

Nice Haikus in Tanka form.
The 'darkness on the horizon...' is a great way to close and wrap the Tanka into a nice piece of expressive poetry.
I say though the Anima Inspired I know would really make me feel as If I had spent the day on the beach.

[Shondell]

nice poem you describe everything so well...makes the readers feel like they are there

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These are nice haikus, I like the words you use, like "bejeweled ocean" and "wings of night approach." I'm sure you'll win the contest with this one. =)