Across the Bay

 

Gazing out across the water,

still and smooth, a sheen like glass,

tangibly translucent, and yet

reflective enough to contain a second sky,

my eyes linger on drifting hopes,

caught by the slow current, wandering

aimlessly, like bottles and bits of wood,

and I wish, all at once, that my fingers

could dip down into the deep and come up

filled with more than they have lost.

 

Across the bay there are cars parked,

people leaning on hoods, sipping coffee,

dogs rooting around in the sparse grasses

that crawl their way toward the water’s edge,

and I find myself floating towards them,

my soul-feet dragging on the salty surface,

until I am within earshot of their thoughts,

and I am able to live there with them,

in that two-dimensional space where I

see them flatly, forgetting the rules of perception.

 

A girl sits on a bench, reading to the water

with words as soft and rich as Orchid petals;

I hang beside her like a ghost, stealing

the precious mysteries of her solitude.  

Reviews

[Wildecat]

I guess anything is possible, An out of body experience would truly be amazing, nice write. Oh and thanks for the kind review of ( 2 ) your comments and friendship are very much appreciated.

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This poem brings the idea of separation or alienation to my mind, like someone who feels disconnected from the normal, everyday world of everyday people's lives, gazing upon them like there's a desire to join them, yet the attention is drawn to the girl who seems just as separated from others. This part I like the most because it kind of makes a statement about going for the more fulfilling life rather than mingling with ordinary common people. This is what speaks to me the most in this poem, and I like it.

I have to say that the last three lines of the first verse are my favorite. Those three lines have the most meaning, I think, and it kind of embodies the poem as a whole within their words. I think the first lines of the first verse are the most powerful in terms of imagery with the way that you describe the water.

I love the mind behind this poem. =)

[Donald Meikle]

Never thought to use an OOB experience in a poem, loved the soul feet dragging!

[KUFU]

Oh this is provocative. The voyeuristic nature of the piece belies the innocent observations of you; the observer, simply "viewing" the bay and all its complexities. You take the reader into your minds-eye. I indeed found myself floating across the bay with you and peeping over the girl's shoulder. ;-) You have convinced me this was your intent all along. Or perhaps you decided to do so as an side-trip to your ghostly excursion.
A brilliant wordsmith you are.

[Michael X]

What I find accentuates the form is the engaging flow, and imagery thats
transports the reader to another place and time, this is dreamy and brilliant.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh my this is very atmospheric but extremely beautiful, I get the sense of someone trying to fit in to places they have never been to take chance to see what lies beyond their own little world. I love it!!

[Dani California]

This is incredible! Wow.. this has a definite ethereal quality to it.
I softly glided through it -- the imagery is perfect.

A girl sits on a bench, reading to the water
with words as soft and rich as Orchid petals;
I hang beside her like a ghost, stealing
the precious mysteries of her solitude


Forgetting the rules of perception,
traveling in the minds of others ...
different realm...

Truly outstanding write.

[Faith-Jolie]

This seems like it's not even poetry...but in a good way! It's so deep and descriptive that it's basically a picture made up of words. I really love this! It's kind of what I write now when it comes to poetry, but I think yours is way better =).

[Scott H.]

All I can say is.... absolutely gorgeous.