Lost Hope

This is an actual event that I've wrote into a very long story. This is part half of One and a small part of two.

  I am 35 years old, I have 4 children, 

   I'm from The United States, in Ohio. 
        My name is AnnaMaria Noble.

    Sadly am I to say, I know first hand about these Horrors and Hells. I have taken great care in documenting below here, And waiting, Below is my Real Life Horror And Hell Of having my baby murdered as well.  


  Awareness has to begin and start today! 

Somewhere around, where we all live. So here's to starting : Right here,Right now, Before I

answer One more  unnecessary , phone call!  

     I am more than ready and willing.And even though, I will sit here crying tears For every innocent child as well as my own story...About my baby girl HopeRayna...Who as of today, Would've been 15 years old , along with her twin sister! Hope was born at 12: 43 AM weighing 5' 14 Faith followed at 12:44 AM weighing 5' 4.  
 


               Today is June 11th, 2011

          I was born 15 years ago today.

       And 4 months later, was murdered.

      By someone who helped create me!

   This is sad. And was very hard for me to read and write, But I did. Because this happened to my daughter....Making this a lot more difficult but demanded by myself. 
   Still, I know there are many other children
Going through what happened to her. So here's to all of our lost children...That are never forgotten about!

    That was a time in my life when I really thought...I had it all planned out nice and neatly.Knowing exactly where I'd be with my children, Their father and our happy little home.

    I believe in my heart that her father,Did not intend to take her life.He was ( before that fatal night ) always the Best Daddy, One could be.He had prior issues, was a recovering alcoholic And was, a former pot user also.

     Upon me finding and discovering the pot in our home, I had a fit and threatened if he did not go to AAA and get clean with a good detox center I was leaving.I was then 7 months pregnant with our twins. 

      He went through the steps in motion, appeared to have Cleaned up his act, the twins were born 5 weeks early at 5'4 and 5'14 lbs. via C-section.He was the most doting and proudest of any father Anyone had ever seen, He took care of me treated me Like a queen and loved our family.

  But something went wrong in his mad, crazy 

mind that one night.

   Or perhaps it was just pure physical rage. By someone that momentarily " snapped ". I don't know. To keep it less painful,I'll skip all the details other than to tell everyone " HOW "He killed her and took her away, like the others.


Good man, Best Dad, Best Hubby or every ones pal,
None of those things kept him from what he did,And doesn't excuse his behavior. MUCH LESS make his reasons ACCEPTABLE.


THESE ARE/WERE HIS WORDS, DOCUMENTED , TOLD AND FOREVER STORED... INSIDE THE PAGES OF A POLICE REPORT, CONFESSED BY HIM AND ONLY HIM.

    He took Hopes life by throwing her small 4 month old body on the couch. She had been crying for over 20 or so minutes and nothing he had done or had tried to do to sooth her. 
    So in a moment of frustration- he lost it.By tossing her down, to the sofa, from a standing position. She hit the arm of sofa so hard it knocked her clean out It took. That was the last time she was ever held..by her own father. 
     It took him 9 minutes to phone for 911. In between the call and Medics getting to our home to save my baby, he called 2 of friends: One my brother & the other a long time guy friend he hung out and hunted with. 
     She was air lifted to Children's Hospital, where she was pronounced " Legally Brain dead " three heart wrenching days later. For 3 days I sat beside her lifeless body, begging for any small movement. It never happened, She never woke up. She had been brain dead since bouncing off wooden arm of the sofa. Her tiny head hit with so much force and brutal anger that the the very second her head was struck, she had FOREVER been silenced! 

   

    I used to ask myself " what if he had not wasted so much time. By calling two of his pals before finally calling 911....

     

   What if.... I had been home....Why didn't he call someone BEFORE he lost it? Cause he was able to do so after venting on a baby. My " what IFS list " goes on, and goes on, and on.. on.. on...Forever.

And I am still left with no answers that could ever explain the many questions formulated by, " Why , If and Buts." Because no reason is or would ever be acceptable. No baby, child, son, sister, niece, nephew, wife, elderly, or Anything, or anybody.... Deserves to be hit and beat on. And never emotionally abused either.

     We all have the ability to walk the other way, to cool ourselves down. Before we do something so utterly stupid, it ruins another or takes another life!  

We owe our loved ones more compassion and humanity than that and this!
So the father of my baby got sentenced to 5 years in prison. That was in 1996, he was out living the life, as my daughter would never be or do again , by 2001.

I leave my tears sitting here and there now....

    I think, if I had done the things he had, I

would've killed myself as the guilt and shame

of taking my own babies life would've been it. Completely over the top. 

    We cannot change the abusers, but we can

change our actions : and we must STOP being

the observers of such as this,being someone else's positive re-action. 

    Yes, we owe EACH OTHER the protection of

being the mouth and eyes when someone is

abusing the right to know that person let alone be with them. 

   So with that said I have vowed and swore

before my self in mirror. That I will TALK and I will TELL of my daughters injustice in HOPES that people listen and take something away, from my pain... and not make the mistakes of being another damn reaction to our babies and loved ones. 

IF all I am ever able to do is reach 1 person, then that's maybe 1 more life or 2,3,4,5,6 and so on, that has been saved!

Think before you speak friends, walk away and take a minute before you use your hands for anything other than to love, nourish, and comfort your child, friends, the anythings.

THEN, and only then, will justice be served to the innocent children that are murdered.....One or Two minutes will and can Save another child's life.

And be the giving grace of yet Babies or children, Not having to fight. For the very rights to live and be loved!

With much love and the HOPES Of restoring  A

little more peace!

                            Sincerely Yours ,
                                    AnnaMaria 

This continues below BabyHopes Memory here.

I will proudly be my Hope's voice! 

Reviews

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

AnnaMarie,
As I was reading this profound, sad writing I felt chills, I felt tears, I felt sadness, I felt anger, I felt so many emotions that any normal person would expect to feel, but one of the emotions that stood out was your profound love, your bravery, and yes even your ability to feel some amount of empathy for Hope's father. I am so, so sorry this happened to you, and to your family. May God continue to give you the wind beneath your wings, the strength to walk as many miles as needed and the love and courage to continue fighting for your Blessed Hope and all the children who are in and have been in situations similar to this. God Bless you my friend. A thousand and one hugs I send to you and more when needed. You are an example of a young woman who loved and loves her children with all her might and heart. After watching the court sessons on Casey Anthony, you are a refreshing breeze of hope and beauty.

Much Love,
Anne