Claiora
stopped short. The form carved into the stump was undoubtedly Henran.
"It would be easier to pass through the eye of the needle ..." Ouron,
had often said.
Weaving a longing tune in a clear soprano, Claiora’s voice had once consigned
men to their dooms, but today it would save Henran. The dry wood quivered as
she turned a phrase. Bark grew. Life surged from her. The oak reached for the
sky. It was whole again.
Still no Henran.
Concentrating, she closed her eyes. Her back itched between the bases of her
wings. He loved that spot! As she pitched higher, the grass matured at her
waist. The path disappeared, but it burned deep in her memory. Inspecting the
bark with her fingertips, she traced the carving underneath. Instead of saving
him, she had trapped him there forever.
She would take this journey alone and could not release the spell until she
reached Ouron's tumulus. Her lungs were already failing! Only Ouron could save
Henran now, and she would be too weak to resurrect him if she stopped.
Wildflowers blossomed as she passed. Breathing through her nose as she sang
wasn't easy, but it kept her from passing out. This was no longer a game. Soon
the village men would be here. Still, Claiora sang as if her faery life
depended on it.
It did.
The tumulus rose before her, still old and dead, in spite of her enchantment.
Reaching it as her first victim grew close, she climbed the dead mound. Splitting
her voice into two melodies, she raised her arms to the sky. Slaves to her
will, the 13 men tunneled into the mound. The ground shook, trapping them
below.
Ouron awoke. “That was careless,” he reproved, as Claiora collapsed. “You
wasted a perfectly good dwarf. Try again.”
This is very good and imaginative writing. I struggled to form some kind of visual image of the goings on, but it got easier toward the end as you revealed more details. (Still not as clear as I'd like) Perhaps you intended it that way. It's short--I know, but there will always be readers who want more. I wrote something similar once, stripping it down to barest of essentials in order to make the word count. A few could fill in the holes, but many couldn't. Did I say I enjoyed this? I did, despite some ambiguity.
Posted 4 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
I understand. I went right up to the word limit, and there are many things left up in the air, like .. read moreI understand. I went right up to the word limit, and there are many things left up in the air, like what was Claiora's assignment, and how did she waste the dwarf? Part of that would have been answered by the prompt picture, which I don't have a copy of. Thanks for your comments.
I came back - to see you anew... have you returned to start up again?
Posted 4 Years Ago
4 Years Ago
I've been posting on my Annema blog, but otherwise I've written a few doodles that aren't nearly goo.. read moreI've been posting on my Annema blog, but otherwise I've written a few doodles that aren't nearly good enough to post - at least for the time being.
This is very good and imaginative writing. I struggled to form some kind of visual image of the goings on, but it got easier toward the end as you revealed more details. (Still not as clear as I'd like) Perhaps you intended it that way. It's short--I know, but there will always be readers who want more. I wrote something similar once, stripping it down to barest of essentials in order to make the word count. A few could fill in the holes, but many couldn't. Did I say I enjoyed this? I did, despite some ambiguity.
Posted 4 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
I understand. I went right up to the word limit, and there are many things left up in the air, like .. read moreI understand. I went right up to the word limit, and there are many things left up in the air, like what was Claiora's assignment, and how did she waste the dwarf? Part of that would have been answered by the prompt picture, which I don't have a copy of. Thanks for your comments.
After 15 years I have finished The Cult of Hahn. Editing time.
Professional musician. Private person
I love fantasy, especially dark sexy stories.
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