Pawing At Flies

I dedicate this to my cat Sooty :)

 

Pawing at flies

 

When all is worthless and the soul feels gone

You’ll find wide eyes staring

And forget what was wrong.

 

Velvet-black silk is he, our little rock

For on tiny black paws he genially trots

Through our hearts

And other people’s houses,

He trots to the kitchen

Chirruping feline chatter

Attempting again, to get through to mother.

To understand all else.

Like why is it so big in here?

This warm, squishy place.

And why do fat-fingered strangers

Keep touching my face?

Of the overlarge faces

Who tickle his cheek

And distorted grey places

With far too many feet.

He follows the world that is passing him by.

Forgetting the world, and wondering why?

 

Life isn’t gardens and pawing at flies.

 

 

Author's Note

constructive critisism please :D

Reviews

[The Cougar's Den]

He follows the world that is passing him by.
Forgetting the world, and wondering why?

Life isn't gardens and pawing at flies.

This is an absolute classic...fabulous! Attempt to get this published...is what I would do if it were mine.

Great write!
All my best, G.

[Serend1p1ty]

Ah great poem.
Light hearted & simple. No deep meanings, no morbid & depressing thoughts.
Really enjoyed reading this.
Only flaw is that you have some rhymes & then you stop rhyming at times, unless there is something I am missing since only a writer really knows their poem.
Really that's all I can find.
Was a stunning write.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[Scott Free]

Quite nice, I like it a lot!
Alright, you want a constructive criticism? *cracks knuckles* Allllright.
Ha ha no, this is actually mostly untouchable. It's not trying to be all emotional like a lot of poems--that often fall flat. It's simply telling about your cat--and I quite liked that.
The body--after the beginning, where the first break is--quite stop and go, I'd say. I didnt' like the beginning of it.
"Velvet-black silk is he, our little rock
For on tiny black paws he genially trots
Through our hearts..."
and then it goes on and on on a way different meter. Either split this up into 'Velvet black silk is he | Our little rock | For on tiny black paws | He genially trots.
Or maybe this would be better
"Velvet-black silk is he, our little rock
For on tiny black paws he genially trots
Through our hearts, other people's houses,
He trots to the kitchen with his feline chatter."
Or something along those lines. You want consistency in a poem like this, and at parts you break it.
Other than that, I really like this. Three thumbs up!

~S