Bond

An all too familiar weight has been lifted
Light as a feather now
And gone are the tiny kicks and minuscule movements

You lie in certain positions at night
On your side
He would have liked it like this
He always did

At night you think and drive yourself mad
The names you chose that never were
The colours you had picked out
The room that now sits empty
Bar an empty cot
How you planned to sit by his beside, reading him stories
Nursery rhymes and fables fill your head
And you feel yourself so overwhelmed
So torn
But the pain comes not from your head
You pinpoint the source
The now flat and weakened stomach
You wish for nothing more than to tear it open and find the fault
What made you different?
What was so wrong inside of you?
But these thoughts are more painful than the memories themselves

The young mums
Those undeserving cows
How they dress their children like accessories
Barbie dolls they can mould and fashion
How to look pretty
How to be the best
They have them because they can
But they'll never truly understand
Having a child is easy
Being a mother, a parent
A friend and a mentor
Mother is God in the eyes of a child
Raise them not to be spoilt
Punish them when the need arises
And understand them when they make mistakes
Raise them to better people

Sometimes you feel it
Like a phantom limb
Waking in cold sweats
Clutching your stomach
Praying to feel a response
A kick
A nudge
Anything
And nothing...

You sometimes wonder
Am I better off?
Free from the chains of responsibility
Almost liberating
But then you remember...
How for those brief few months
He was your everything
Your reason for being
But like all things in life, there were complications

You did not fail him
Nor did you fail yourself
You nurtured him the best you could
You were his mother
And though he is gone
You always will be