From Heaven Looking Down

"Your father was a good man. Growing up without him is going be hard. It’s going to hurt. You’ll feel alone, out to sea with no shore in sight. You’ll wonder “Why me?” “Why him?” "- Act of Valor

Tears steam down her face,

As she lays in the bed;

Surrounded by white walls of a hospital,

Filled with both happiness and dread.

 

She holds a tiny boy in her arms,

His nose no bigger than her thumb;

He wails loudly- though oddly it comforts her,

Like a hummingbird’s joyful hum.

 

Her tender lips caress his soft forehead

As his crying simmers down;

The boy’s eyes begin to close,

And he doesn’t make a sound.

 

She feels the gentle beating of his heart,

 As he lays there dreaming;

Holding him safely in her arms,

And from tears her eyes are gleaming.

 

Soon she wonders how,

Those salty drops called tears,

Can be because of all her happiness,

Yet at the same time all her fears.

 

Looking at the tiny baby boy,

She realizes that he has his father’s eyes,

And being reminded of the boy’s father,

Is part of the reason that she cries.

 

She wonders how she’ll tell him,

How bad it will hurt inside,

To tell that precious baby boy,

That his father died.

 

He may not understand at first,

Why he never met his dad.

But she’ll be sure to tell him,

What an honorable father he had.

 

A tightly folded flag,

Will hang upon their wall,

Along with letters stained with tears,

And a medal- shining brighter than them all.

 

 

She knows in time that this baby boy

So innocent and pure,

Will begin to feel so alone,

Through the hardships he will endure.

 

But eventually he will learn,

To look past all of his tears,

And through his father's bravery,

He will relinquish all his fears.

 

And though he may not know it,

His father will always be around,

Watching his son with pride and joy,

From Heaven looking down.

Reviews

[Christoph Poe]

This is writing on a remarkable level. I'll be honest, the rhyming scheme turns me off a bit and seems forced in some areas, but the overall story is well planned and counters it. For a moment, I thought the mother was dying, then I thought the child was dying. I didn't expect that the subject easing fact someone who is already dead. Your approach is creative and works on a powerful level, and in such few words, you've managed to give us a powerful yet visual story. I could see this published in readers digest, or another magazine. I suggest sending it to a few to see what could happen.

Well done,
--Christoph Poe

98/100

[Anthony C.]

Thank you so much for this review. While writing it, I did feel the same way about certain rhyme schemes. I may try to submit it to a magazine, thank you both for the advice and the great review.

[Anthony C.]

Wait when you said the you didn't particularly enjoy the rhyme scheme, did you mean you didn't like that the scheme was ABCB? And do you mind telling me which stanzas have a rhyme scheme that seems forced? (ex. stanza #1, #2.. etc.) I may try to fix the rhyme on those stanzas if I am able to. Thank you again for the review.

[Joshua Hunter]

Wow, this is truly stunning it brought a tear to my eye. First off I love the movie the quote is from and I have so much respect and pride for our Military men and women. This is amazing, truly a work of art, the best poem I have read to date! Great job!

[Anthony C.]

Thank you so much!

[Decanter Red]

Oh dear, I'm so touched T_T *dabs eyes with handkerchief* The rhyming, content and the voice that (i imagine) reading this is so hushed like an angel....

Boo hoo hoo! I can't control it anymore, i just love this one. 100/100!

[Anthony C.]

Thank you so much!

[Megara]

This is incredible! I love the way you incooperate the ryme into the stanzas. Very poignant Piece.nice job:)

[Anthony C.]

Thank you!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Very well done. I rather enjoyed this piece, as it seemed to be complete and wrought with great emotion and sincerity. Many great images and metaphors here, as well as a great story woven throughout.

Soon she wonders how,
Those salty drops called tears,
Can be because of all her happiness,
Yet at the same time all her fears.

--This is my favorite stanza...so poignant. Well written!

[Anthony C.]

Thank you!

[Rachel Anderson]

This is so well written, and I'm honestly surprised that more people haven't seen it. Send out some read requests, and don't be shy about getting your stuff out there. This is heart wrenching and deserved an award in the contest. Congrats. :)

[Anthony C.]

Thank you!! Thanks also for the advice, I will use it.

[Rachel Anderson]

You're welcome!