Crimson - Scene 2

Waltham Cross - North London

She puts the shopping on the porch and reaches for the sliding door. She steps in and unlocks the wooden door, shoves an old magazine underneath as a door stop and goes back outside to fetch the shopping.

The house is dark " all the curtains drawn and shutters pulled down " and even though it’s still bright outside, the living room is covered in pitch black!

“Liam?” she turns the light switch on, “Liam, are you in here? Where’s your dad? Liam..?” she repeats in a soft but trembling voice and the slim figure of a child, not older than five or six years old, pokes out from underneath the big dining table at the far right corner of the room. He slowly puts his head out first, looking scared and as soon as she sees him, she runs to him and puts him in her arms and squeezes him gently “Did it happen again?” she whispers. “Don’t worry baby! Mommy’s here now…Where’s your dad?”

He puts his arms around her and clutches as hard as he can. His voice shaking and words barely coming out of his mouth “He’s upstairs….sleeping and he said…he said not to wake him up”

She picks him up and gently sits him on a chair, then she picks up the shopping “Does my baby want some peanut butter sandwich?” she asks smiling and he nods his head in excitement.

She knows that he feels safe when she’s around; somehow, she always made things better; she always protects him from the bad shadows and the boogies in the closet and she knows that when she’s away he is afraid of the shadows.

 He gets up and runs after her into the kitchen, smiling. He pulls the stool, from under the counter, in front of the sink, stands on it, grabs his plastic cup and fills it with water and then downs it.

“Mommy…” he whispers

“Yes, baby?”

“Why is daddy’s shadow chasing me every time he goes to sleep?” he asks and his mother’s smiling facial expression changes instantly.

She leaves the sandwich half-finished on the counter, approaches her son and kneels in front of him. Her sad eyes, dark as they can be but full of compassion and love, she forces a smile to show

“I wish I knew baby…but don’t you worry! Mommy will always protect you, ok?” she gives him a kiss on the forehead and goes back to finishing the sandwich.

Author's Note

This is a story I kept working in my head for years and finally decided to put it on paper. It's supposed to be written in short "scenes" which will complete in "chapters" and when those chapters are put together will eventually form a full story. It's o experimental stage and this is just a draft of the second scene....

Reviews

[Kaliope]

A good scene but after the excitement of the first chapter it felt a bit flat to be honest. I'm not entirely sure but you seem to change perspective in the middle of the scene, the first half seems to be the mum's point of view, the second half Liam's. I wonder if that is a wise choice. Imho neither the mum's nor the child's horror comes really across.

[ApKWrites]

Very good points... I will see if I can fix them. Thank you:)

[Valentine]

You are drawing the reader in. My first thought is, the father may be abusing the child, or drinking. Valentine

[ApKWrites]

My aim is to let the reader speculate for a while so I can surprise them in the future, if I can! read moreMy aim is to let the reader speculate for a while so I can surprise them in the future, if I can!
Thank you fir reading and writing a review;)

[kanyinsola okafor]

I read the first scene, just finished reading the second, and I am waiting for the next scene.

[ApKWrites]

Thank you:) Unfortunately, the third scene will not be posted in here as part of it does not abide with the terms and conditions of WritersCafe.org, but you can subscribe on my website for free and get to see the draft or wait until next Saturday when I publish part of the chapter on my website;)
Again, Thank you and I'm sorry I cannot put the third scene up..

[kanyinsola okafor]

Okay, but when you do post it on your website, do notify me.