The Coming of Lillith

something a little different

 

 

the silvery moon softens me
I dance in her waning shadows
a veil removed, unable to follow
Time reveals a phantom queen

I am the crow as I come and go
in the midnight hour I am free
smoldering fires beckon me
silhouettes, black mirrors I know

She offers mocha agate to heal
embracing renewal with energy
she caresses with fingertips, gently
whispering,
                        ‘don’t think, just feel…’

Author's Note

I'm practicing with structure, folks. Tried to look up the form for this piece but couldn't locate it although the rhyme scheme is a-bb-a. Please be gentle as I'm new to this particular form,, and it can be quite tricky. Lillith is the goddess of darkness in addition to being a beautiful flower that thrives only in the dark. Thanks for reading, my friends.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This is fantastic, Tami. Wow. I tend to be drawn in more by structure, in writing, in art, in life...

One of the things I find fascinating about your work is, even in a structured form, it flows effortlessly. I think I've said this before with some of your other structured pieces. It takes a special talent to flow like the sea when there are corners, and then to use a complex subject matter too? You're incredible. I mean that.... wow.

[kewlbluetiger]

You are so talented. I thought this piece was angelic in many ways. Second stanza was spot on to contrast where you are and where you need to be. Loved it. Good luck with structuring. Thank you for the inspiration.

[Onatah]

I have a comment, not about the structure, but about the meaning. I love the last line, 'don't think, just feel'

It is always good to think, but there are times (especially in healing) when you need to JUST FEEL!

Well done!

[hhoosh]

Actually good dark poetry! Yayyy!

Honestly, this is very good, and not only for an experimental work but as a whole. The imagery is clear, the feelings displayed, and the harmony kept in-tune.

I was thrown off by the last line in the second verse. Dunno why, but silhouettes seemed a but off from the vocabulary-flow, and I paused there. It wasn't critical to the poem, and perhaps I am just missing something from the poem itself, but I figured i'd give you my PR.

Well done, this is excellent.

[Charles]

Good work with the form, but it is not form that makes the poem work... it is the imagery and the theme (properly linking Lillith to one of her attributes). You nail it with the waning shadows, the crow at the midnight hour and the sensuality of the last stanza. Lillith is a complex idea - first wife of Adam, Mesopotamian goddess of storms, a sensual entity, queen of darkness. BTW, Apollonia had her varied attributes as well, though I am forever stuck with thinking of her as the goddess of dentistry. Good work. :-)

[Alicante lullaby]

IT is one of best pieces i have read so far on WC,,,captivating,,,a precious feel,,,a moving melody and its mythical touch with a girl's gentle feel,,,,loved it Apollonia,,,wonderful work,,

[Michael X]

wow, this is sweeping, i loved the ambience and nature of the feeling, you are amazing apollonia, creating works of wonder with graphic appeal.
keep up the great work!

[Luna]

i love this poem. you portray the goddess amazingly. i can picture it. thank you for posting it.

[Emily B]

it doesn't feel structured at all, which says to me that you succeeded beautifully

it really is wonderful work

[Ladysue]

Oh, I love the feel to this poem. Evocative tone indeed. Excellently done...