The Coming of Lillith

something a little different

 

 

the silvery moon softens me
I dance in her waning shadows
a veil removed, unable to follow
Time reveals a phantom queen

I am the crow as I come and go
in the midnight hour I am free
smoldering fires beckon me
silhouettes, black mirrors I know

She offers mocha agate to heal
embracing renewal with energy
she caresses with fingertips, gently
whispering,
                        ‘don’t think, just feel…’

Author's Note

I'm practicing with structure, folks. Tried to look up the form for this piece but couldn't locate it although the rhyme scheme is a-bb-a. Please be gentle as I'm new to this particular form,, and it can be quite tricky. Lillith is the goddess of darkness in addition to being a beautiful flower that thrives only in the dark. Thanks for reading, my friends.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This is fantastic, Tami. Wow. I tend to be drawn in more by structure, in writing, in art, in life...

One of the things I find fascinating about your work is, even in a structured form, it flows effortlessly. I think I've said this before with some of your other structured pieces. It takes a special talent to flow like the sea when there are corners, and then to use a complex subject matter too? You're incredible. I mean that.... wow.

[Clockwork]

I think that you are able to take your topic and really apply it to your form. This piece feels organic to me. It brings me images of The Raven in reference. I think you may be able to move the final line of the poem even with line twelve to make it a little more uniform. Overall this is a very striking piece that does it's subjects justice.

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. You create many visions with your powerful words. Last line told the truth. don't think, just live.
Coyote

[The Viking]

Lilith....that b***h. I've heard many stories of her derived from the Dead Sea Scrolls. Supposedly she was one of the greatest of the Succubi, demons that seduced men in their sleep. I think in Paradise Lost, she might have been satan's lover, but it's been years since I read it. Either way, she is the feminine embodiment of evil, and a very interesting metaphor in this poem. Lilith could represent a lot of things in this poem; temptation, desire, or any of those darkly romantic modes we tell ourselves not to feel, but surrender in a thing known only as indulgence. For some reason this reminds me of Azam Ali's song, The "Tryst", I have no idea why, though. I think because one of the final lines is "This Sin Is Mine," and this poem seems to be about not only allowing sinful desires to overcome you, but about enjoying them in secrecy, where there is no one to judge you. That's just what I got from this. One thing I didn't understand, though, was this line - "She offers mocha agate to heal". It didn't deter from the song, but it's a strange image for me, and I wonder if it carries some metaphorical weight that I just don't get because I don't know the background. Excellent poem. I love your work, its always sensual and delicious.

[SM Davis]

form and structure definitely have their place. However, sometimes (which is not the case here) content is sacrificed for fit. It flows nicely. Well done.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Ah! This was just Awesome.
I absolutely loved it..The entire concept and the plot which is based upon "LILLITH"(goddess of darkness) is absolutely mind blowing.
And you also maintained the structure so very well that thoughtout the poem not even in a single line I felt that the structure took over you...No, your emotions and your plot was much heavier than the structure and is what makes a poem so flawless.
I loved it, my favorite lines has to be-
"in the midnight hour I am free
smoldering fires beckon me" - Brilliant work!

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

wow, you poems are always a treat. and being able to follow structure, yet do it so poetically, is a hard feat. and you do it well. i love the avatar! you aalways set the picture in the readers head before we even read. which makes the poem even that much more powerful. i like the "phantom queen" line you put in there. anything with the word QUEEN captures my attention. loved it once again.

kena

[Su' Nacnetaf]

Short beautiful writing, I enjoyed reading it and I felt attracted in particular by the last phrase, "Don't think, just feel", maybe because these days I've been struggling with a similar thought, but I do like this poem. Great writing.

[THE LOST ROSE]

I understand the need to write poetry in structure. I do not do it so I tend to read poem for the emotion of the writer as they placed it on paper. I read the emotion here and I understand the stillness and the beauty of the night. For I am a "night owl" and I believe life starts when the sun goes down. Great write!

[Sorry Infamous]

Wonderful, Fresh and new here... Glad I have stumbled across this.

[These Haunted Hallways]

Indeed, i always found the moon to do many things to the soul. It makes the mind and body feel many things--anything from ghostly and creepy, to beautiful, calm and peaceful. This was really good. Great form & structure, too hehe.

B.A.