Undone

This one just came to me out of nowhere, it seems.

I still wait for my love story,
But no longer brood in empty
Drawn out light of summer’s
Discontent…

          Will I die without knowing?

          You must be there…
          Somewhere…
          Winter licks my body,
          Yet my bosom remains warm…

Secrets I cannot hide
If for one moment these
Brown eyes blink…
Frost drips from dark lashes,

And I stand unfinished as life
Kisses death…
Flames transfer to ashes
Scattered upon Lake Erie,

And I am
Finally free….
Wondering…

          Amidst a fragrant blue mist
          Of forget-me-nots…

 

 

Reviews

[These Haunted Hallways]

Woh, dude, this was totally awesome!!! Im like shocked right now-It totally blew me away hehe. I love the haunting effect you gave it, and the melancholy tone of lonliness and despair that really made it. It's like a lost soul walking the beaches at night searching for a long lost love or somethin, and u become a ghost in the process--kinda creates this haunting hopeless romantic story that can make anyone who reads it cry. I had a few tears myself hehe. This really hit me a lot. I definitely agree with Coyote, too. Beautiful piece! Fantastic job here! :)

B.A.

[Robin]

inspiration can found anywhere the secret is not to trample it with reason .

I like this piece .

[Steve]

Well done! Visually a beautiful poem as well as cleverly done.

[Edgar A Stonehill]

I literally shivered at the phrase "Winter licks my body" and the transition to the scattering of ashes is elegant.

The subject is heart felt and appears as genuine as it can be. At a certain point during romantic loneliness one faces the question you posed, "Will I die without knowing?"

Another point worth mentioning is that the reader instantly has a frame of reference on your first line. There is no confusion, and you build consistently on that frame.

[Poetic Beauty]

The imagery in this poem is amazing. I can picture it quite clearly in my mind. the flow is easy to follow. I think everyone has this fear of night having their love story before they grow old and die. Great poem with lots of heart and emotion added in.

[Bette]

i absolutely love this, your flow you words... wonderful job!

[Eagle Cruagh]

An incredible poem , this one, has to be
felt. 'There are no words to do justice to
the most desirable set of words yet devised.

I warm myself here by this source of all of
man`s comfort. Holding my hands out to
warm them at your hearth.

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Crowley]

Amazing...."frost drips from dark lashes" mmmmmmm...very sexy. reminds of Lord of the Rings for some reason, not sure why. Stumbled a bit on the last two lines of the first stanza, I think it was the empty drawn out part, had to read it twice to get the rhythm back. Other than that, very beautiful, nice pace and rhythm and as hot as they come.

[The Viking]

As with all your poems, this flows with beautiful language - each word soft and fitting with the next. I seem to see a girl in a winter field of frozen flowers, waiting for someone. I think she feels first that waiting in summer didn't work, so she'd try winter, which could symbolize optimism failing and the girl in the story attempting pessimistic realism or some blissful negativity as a means to that end. Yet at the same time, I think she feels time is running out. She wants to share her secrets with someone, she couldn't find him in Summer, so she's trying winter. She doesn't feel the pressure yet, but she does grow nervous because time is still fleeting. That's what I got from this. I'm curious about the image, "ashes on Lake Erie" Wonderfully done, nonetheless.

[Antonio Valentino]

Well lake erie was appropriate, this one was spaooky and mystical in a sensuous way as well.

Undone? Perfect title!
Great write Apollnia

Antonio

[Jessica]

That was hauntingly beautiful. I loved the imagery, and the feelings you give with your words. You have such a talent here, I wish I could write as well as you!