Undone

This one just came to me out of nowhere, it seems.

I still wait for my love story,
But no longer brood in empty
Drawn out light of summer’s
Discontent…

          Will I die without knowing?

          You must be there…
          Somewhere…
          Winter licks my body,
          Yet my bosom remains warm…

Secrets I cannot hide
If for one moment these
Brown eyes blink…
Frost drips from dark lashes,

And I stand unfinished as life
Kisses death…
Flames transfer to ashes
Scattered upon Lake Erie,

And I am
Finally free….
Wondering…

          Amidst a fragrant blue mist
          Of forget-me-nots…

 

 

Reviews

[These Haunted Hallways]

Woh, dude, this was totally awesome!!! Im like shocked right now-It totally blew me away hehe. I love the haunting effect you gave it, and the melancholy tone of lonliness and despair that really made it. It's like a lost soul walking the beaches at night searching for a long lost love or somethin, and u become a ghost in the process--kinda creates this haunting hopeless romantic story that can make anyone who reads it cry. I had a few tears myself hehe. This really hit me a lot. I definitely agree with Coyote, too. Beautiful piece! Fantastic job here! :)

B.A.

[deeps]

This is a passionate and kind of sad in a way I like this write.

[Ralphy]

Awe Apollonia, you are always such passionate writer. Your words grapple my soul, and draw me in like a magnet to steel. Each word holds me as I listen for each breath, each heartbeat...as you passionately control my soul with your words...hugs...
Oh yes... Amidst a fragrant blue mist Of forget-me-nots…
I was stunned by the verse "if for one moment these brown eyes blink" see, this is where you grab my soul, and pull me in...

[PoisonedFlower]

Wow, this is amazing! And it's so universal, too! So many people can relate to it, including me. "I still wait for my love story/But no longer brood in empty/Drawn out light of summer's/Discontent"... That's my favorite part!

[Von Halford]

Aw. I love you. :) This poem is great. And Sad. And lonely. I'm lonely too so I know the feeling. :(

[Nish Nish the Fish]

oh this was so so so incredibly written!
you took the words right out of my heart, i love reading poems that express the way i feel at the moment.
i'm tearing as i read this, because its so exact to my current emotions.
beautiful imagery, "And I stand unfinished as life
Kisses death…
Flames transfer to ashes
Scattered upon Lake Erie,"
wow, just wow!
mindblowing the way you've put this feeling into a poem that i could never write myself.
you've inspired me, i think i'll write now :)

thanks SO much for sharing!

[Diego]

That's some love story. I think the best poetry comes from out of nowhere! Love the imagery, well done.

[Michael X]

Winter licks my body,
Yet my bosom remains warm…"

brilliant work leaves a man's heart swimming, drowing, intoxicated. i love the way you paint the senses with delicate abstracts, you are a master of your own style.

[Luna]

wow thats a great poem. its amazing actually! thanks for posting it!

[Morgan A Lynch]

very powerful write..... the haunting effect in this piece is very soul searching..

[Emily B]

oh, my . . . I felt myself in your place, powerful words

amazing words