Help.

Something born from my experience with mental illness.

I feel like I'm waiting for something that never comes
That hectic beating of drums, that off kilter heartbeat
Steady and background;
Where's my convalescing sound?
Where's my unbound honor in defeat?
Trying to claw it's way out of cyclopean nightmare
That's where we'll meet...
Where my words carry no meaning, images of devildry
Make my silence deafening, staring at this revelry
Playing with carbon copies, skies backdrop technicolor
Pattern downcast
Rebel happiness skating past an outer crop
Of heads held high we outlast
And my life, as it too passes on before me in this time
I've realized that all my dreams were just my fears in disguise...
That all my hopes, my familiars despised...
But I looked onward with one eye
And looked behind with the other ever still
Breaking down, sapped of my will I look to the sky
For my comforts, take me west in my distress
Let these thermals salve me, ever more afraid
Of my new venture I partake, my qualms fade
With the horizon as sea devours Sol
I seek to find my own soul, retake my own life
By the pen or by the sword but never by the razor blade
Nil are the odds and my twilight demons never fade....
The light that once led me is now dead and gone
Far from my sight; it left me behind for me to find my own way
And as that eleventh hour mist settles the hell hounds come to claim me
As the stars twinkle and shine I gaze upon Old Star the ethereal
Descends to save me from something all too real
Regret and denial, sinister, choking and stifled
Too proud to admit that I couldn't slay this beast on my own
I realign my mind, hand me another stone bitterness trifled
A self help mediator turned dead eye skilled and demeanor sown
No one's asking for you to fix me, just be a paricipant