Rhythmic rain
pounds on roof,
eye to eye in
tongue and groove,
lying still,
shallow breath,
smoky fingers
run through hair
music whispers
in my ear. I
submit to
purple haze.
Through closed lids
I watch you.
Lithe and limber
like a panther
circle, slowly
closing in,
panting on
my exposed
canvas. Brush
strokes, black
stain, falling
fringe sweeps
skin, rendered
submissive to
your design
I am branded,
happy to be,
painted prey.
© 2009 April Child
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My Review
Featured Review
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A stirring read. I love the drama and art of the moment and I love the execution of the whole, the word choice and the drama of the taut language which complements that of the moment. And yet despite the obvious sensuality there is also a serenity about it all, a contentment at the commitment to art. 'Rhythmic rain' just two words but they set the scene well as they inject the poem with an instant dynamism and elemental energy. 'Pounds' is a great verb and engages our hearing. Hearts also pound. 'Tonge and groove' is also evocative. 'Lying still' is a strong contrast to 'Pounding rain'. 'Shall breath' denotes excitement, urgency. Yet we are lying still! Hair/eyes/ears...the senses engage with the sensuous. Ach, and purple haze...we see the excitemant of Jimbo with his axe. And at the same time a cloud of calmness. Verse two gets even stronger. 'Through closed lids' suggests that, while lying still, there may be a little reverse hunting going on. 'Lithe ... to ... exposed canvass' paints a picture of the painter at work. But, it is the last nine and a half lines which are the best as they give us a clear view of the rush of feelings that are simultaneously going on in your mind. 'Rendered submissinve to your design' is a great bit of phrasing. And one just knows that in the submission there is a tremendous power also. 'Branded and happy' are also strong and pleasing verbs. I'd say there is not a word wasted in this cat-springing piece of writing. Great stuff.
Posted 4 Months Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
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