Running

Another entry to the Flash Fiction contest

Running

Running. Running. Running. Running. Falling. Jumping. Screaming. Crying.

            I must go faster. I have to go faster.

            My heart hammered in my veins, branches and twigs whipped at my cheeks and pulled on my clothing. Holes were in my stockings. Make-up was smeared like a psychotic clown. It dripped down my face. My hair caught on brambles and my hands where littered with blood. My blood. Their blood. Everyone's blood.

            Oh god. So much blood. Blood everywhere. Blood staining chairs and leaves and and and --

            When did this happen? Why did this happen? Why to me?

            I skirted to the edge of a clearing. Below me roared a deafening waterfall. My eyes searched frantically. My hands shook uncontrollably. My breathing wheezed loudly.  I heard the sounds of shouts and saw the light of fire in the distance.

            No time. No time. NO TIME!

            They’d be on me soon. They’d be here to get their revenge.

            Tears streamed down my face. Salt stung my cheeks. Adrenaline began to fade. Pain was resurfacing. The first man entered the clearing. My eyes widened exponentially.

            “Hey you!”

            I turned, getting ready to jump, my legs bunching, blonde hair whirling in the night and �"

            “Cut!”

            I turned around and smiled. “How was that take?”

Author's Note

Just a short lil blurb that stuck in my head. Twas fun.

Reviews

[Desiree B.]

You had me going all the way through. I kept wondering, "What happened to her? Why is she covered in blood? Oh no, she's caught!"

Then came the unexpected part...:

"'Cut!'
I turned around and smiled. 'How was that take?'”

I felt dumbfounded and surprised all at the same time.

What a rush! Thanks for sharing. :)

[Tsukin Archangel]

THANKS!!! That was the intent! So I'm glad I was successful :3 Thanks for reading

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

The title drew me in instantly because I'm a competitive runner and racewalker.

As for the ending... that was unexpected! Great job about an actress' character! Epic job breating the aura of suspense.

My first nit to pick is this sentence: "I skirted to the edge of a clearing. " I'm unsure of what you were trying to say there? Something about the sentence structure bothered me. I've heard of skirting something but never "skirting to" something. I may be wrong in thinking there's a grammar error, but definitely check.

The second one is here: "They’d be on me soon. " "Upon me" might work better, or perhaps even a description like "their hands would be on me soon" would make it stronger.

[Tsukin Archangel]

Thanks for the feedback! And yeah I wanted something unexpected so I figured "WHY NOY MAKE HER AN ACTRESS and since she's an actress obviously she'd be in character to be convincing so the suspence can totes still be there!"

ANyway I'll definitely take your advice to heart I agree with you on the 2nd, but I'm pretty sure you can "skirt to" something. At least I've heard of it before O_o But I'll definitely double check that.

THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!

[Gracie G]

This is so intense, and I love the ending. Good job :)

[Tsukin Archangel]

THANKS!!! Glad the suspense was felt!

[sansame]

Well done! Really hard hitting for such a short piece.

[Tsukin Archangel]

Thanks! Glad you thought so, twas my intention~