The muffin that saved my life

Take it as you read it

“No one really knew why the crazy kid went chasing after the meat ball that got away, but let me tell you that, that particular meatball was divine. It was “The Meatball” of all meatballs. So I dashed out the door and down the hill in a frantic attempt to secure my meatball so that I might partake of its meaty goodness. Well needless to say, I was infuriated when that raccoon beat me to the punch. I only did what any person of my mental state at that moment would do. I pursued the villain who eat my meatball. He was fast, but I was faster.

 

What do you do to the creature who eats your meatball? You eat the creature who ate your meatball. That was exactly what I was going to do. I knew it and so did that raccoon. He figured it out when a took a chunk out of his tail with my fork and knife. He tucked his bobbed tail and scurried up the tree. I began sawing at the tree with my knife and hacking away at the bark with my fork.

 

Enter the bear. He obviously wanted the raccoon as bad as I did. I don’t know if that coon owed him money, or if he stole his bear daughter or what. But that coon was mine. The bear looked at me and I at him. Their was a moment of understanding. The fastest got the vermin in the tree, but first we had to get him down. Since my superior human eating utensil would take a while, the bear decided to try.

 

The bear slammed into the tree knocking our prey out of his perch. When that coon hit the ground we pounced. In our dash to get the coon me and that bear both realized something. We were not going to share. I jumped at him about the time he jumped at me. I failed to realized how much a bear weighed as I was pinned beneath him. This man had to have taken classes somewhere because he had me in a strikers mount and was beating the crap out of me. He wasn’t pulling his punched neither. That was about the time the bear and I remembered the raccoon. He was sitting on a rock near by enjoying the spectacle. As the bear and I turned to glare at him in unison he lowered his head and darted his eyes left and right. He chose left and off he went.

 

The bear shot after him like a dog on a cat. I hobbled after them with my blackened eyes and bloody nose. The bear did me in good because I lost them somewhere between big boulder next to oak tree and stream with little boulder next to pine tree.

 

That was when I passed out. To my misfortune it was face down in a stream. To my not so misfortune a girl with problems of her own found me. She helped me out of the stream and cleaned me up while telling me I looked like I had just fought a black bear. I told her she was close and dropped the point. It was actually a grizzly. She helped me up and grabbed her basket. She pulled her red hood close and asked if I wanted to come with her to grandma’s. She had a nasty little stalker following her and she wanted to feel safe. So I went with her.

 

On the way we ran across a trail of crumbs. We couldn’t help but eat them. They were German by the taste of them. Satisfied that all the crumbs were cleaned from the road we made our over the river and into the woods. About the time we reached the intersection of medium boulder next to willow tree and moss covered rock next to big oak tree a rabbit darted past us blabbing about being late for something. A girl in a blue dress was right on his heels.

 

After making a comment about people having trouble with forest animals today we continued on our way. Soon we found our way to Grandma’s house. The girl in the red hood opened the door and let me inside. When I saw her grandma, I prayed hard that large body parts and massive amounts of hair did not run in the family. Apparently it didn’t because the hot girl in the red hood was just as surprised at how he grandma had let herself go. She started to ask all these questions and before I knew it Grandma ripped off her clothes and swallowed her granddaughter. Grandma was more of a wolf than grandma, but who am I to judge except for the fact that Wolfy just ate lil red hooded girl. Who I happened to find very attractive!

 

I pondered a moment on the irony. I was going to eat a raccoon who ate my meatball. So what do you do to a wolf who ate the girl you want to, well never mind that part. I smiled and walked outside. The wolf was too bloated to move. Well I say that, but he did roll himself to the kitchen for a glass of water. I had noticed a wood shed next to Grandma’s house as I borrowed an ax.

As I walked in a calmly faced my opponent I thought on the bear. If you can’t get revenge on the bear who ate the raccoon who ate your meatball, brutally take down the wolf who ate the girl you wanted to, well never mind that part. The wolf seemed to see where I was headed and pushed off the counter and rolled around the room like a ball in a pinball machine. As he rolled past me a swung. I then realized that his plan might not be thought out well. What if I hit her. Well to late for that.

 

About that time lil red rolled out with her grandma both intact. About that time granny cold cocked me with the rolling pin. Thinking me a predator in competition with the wolf. I suppose she was right, but if she’s willing, well never mind that part. I awoke to the most joyous taste in my mouth that night. It seemed Grandma was a baker and lil red had brought me the best muffin in the world. The muffin the beat the meatball. The muffin of all muffins and probably the muffin that saved my life.

Author's Note

take it or leave it

Reviews

[BrokenLight]

Very Very nice story, loved how you wrote it and who it has a lot of combinations of lil red ridin hood, a bear and etc. Also, very humorous. Great job

[Ashimoto]

Wow. This story was funny. Good job.

[Kira]

Bahaha, this was hilarious. I love how you incorporated a whole bunch of random fairy tales into the story, but it was really the title that caught my eye.

There were a few grammar errors but nothing that really took away from the story so much ("What if I hit her. Well to late for that.") That's something you should probably work on.

[M Garcia]

neat

[Elizabeth]

This is hilarious! Thank you for submitting it! I think it might be a little easier on the eyes to insert line breaks. This story is so creative!

[Keevan]

lol! great story! thanks for entering my contest!!

[ChloeKirk]

So creative :)

[Arctic Fox]

yes I will have to do that.

[JulieZee]

Very amusing. Needs to be proof read and cleaned up.