Addiction

It's a rough journey, my friends.

I grew up happy enough to just smile
No reason to complain, at least for a while
But the divorce shook me hard and I stumbled along
But the back and forth made me feel guilty and wrong
I tried to be strong and it's true that I'm tough
I turned to cigarettes but those just weren't enough
So then I found something else that actually helps
It's controversial but it drags me out of this hell
It's the best kept secret 'cause what truly goes on
Is only known to those who give in to its sweet song
People say you're weak but this life truly takes strength
You put up with so much s**t that other people can't take
You learn to hold your head up and to keep your chin high
'Cause no one else knows that every day you could die
That every morning you get up, it could be your last
That's in the back of your head but you count seconds that pass
'Cause every minute longer is just proof to yourself
That this habit you developed hasn't destroyed your health
But secretly you know that every day you die some more
But you don't give a s**t 'cause that's what this s**t's made for

It's the kid whose doctor says he's got a few months at best
Or the girl who can't seem to get that score on her test
It's the single mom with two kids living paycheck to paycheck
Or the wannabe musician living out of his parents basement
Everyone wants the same things, the same dreams
But they all march straight for something they know that they'll never reach
It's too far to go, a million miles between
They can spend their whole but know they'll never achieve
So they wait until the whole house has gone off to bed
They do anything they can to cease that ache in their chest
So they cook up that h, that liquid gold flame
Fill up that rig and stick it straight in their vein
They look for that rush, their whole body ablaze
And then they slowly get faded as the pain dulls away
Their ritual starts to take over their whole life
They blur through the days as they wait for the night
They know they're an addict, it's a dangerous habit
But it's the only thing that gives them a break so they grab it
They never let go, they have an iron strong hold
By the time they realize they're too deep in the hole
There's no way to know if they truly do care
But the scars on their arms are their crosses to bear
Soon they'll bypass even their own discretion
They lose it and administer that lethal injection

All of their family and all of their friends
Talk in hushed tones with a shake of their heads
They could never understand the feeling of plain dependence
Of something that will only leave an unhappy ending
They judge before they march a mile out of their shoes
They're too noble to see, they have too much to lose
We addicts aren't criminals, we just need some help
The only people we're a danger to is ourselves
You'd be surprised to know what you don't know at all
The secret things that go on even just down the hall
You'll only find out when someone's gone the next day
You'll realize it then, but at that point, too late.

---

I don't even remember what the sunrise looks like anymore.
Being here and feeling real has never been so far away.
My world spins as I fade in and out.
Waking up in stranger's company.
This path that I'm down falls steeper and steeper.
As I traverse it alone, losing everything on the way, I just let it carry me to my limits.
F**k my limits, I passed those months ago.
I can't feel my f*****g heart anymore.
I don't even know my own name.
I don't recognize myself.
But this is who I am now.
I am no one.
An empty face.
A throwaway.
This is who I am now.
My veins tell my story.
My scars scream the words.
But no one is there to listen.
Or maybe no one cares.
I don't even f*****g know.
All I know is soon I won't know anything anymore.
This is who I am now.
I am f*****g no one.

Reviews

[Roger Ferguson II]

the ending broke the flow, before the last stanza it was amazing. good word play, imagery, great flow. the ending has a lot of raw emotion, but it takes from the flow of the poem. good piece.

[Hannah Paige]

'Cause every minute longer is just proof to yourself
That this habit you developed hasn't destroyed your health
-wow. that's a really interesting perspective

But secretly you know that every day you die some more
But you don't give a s**t 'cause that's what this s**t's made for
-i love the phrasing and the statement here, maybe taking out the word "but" in both lines would make it a little stronger

They know they're an addict, it's a dangerous habit
But it's the only thing that gives them a break so they grab it
-there is a lot of truth and maybe even regret in this statement, like it's more firsthand than it seems at first. very nice.

The only people we're a danger to is ourselves
-is that not just as bad?

An empty face.
A throwaway.
-i think this is what everyone is afraid to be, to some extent, and drugs are not the only way to become a "throwaway." i like the effect that your wording has here.

This piece feels somewhat informal and very personal. It's a really great insight into a reality that a lot of people have never understood or experienced.