fitting in love

I present to you an extract from my journal that includes some of my recent thoughts on love and "fitting in love". You will understand what I mean by that once you have read the extract. Enjoy!!!

-fitting in love-

 

 

       “In Spain I met a girl […] and understood what love was. It's not just physical attraction, or ''doing the right thing''. It's not even working out how much you've got to live on and where you might set up house. Nor about stealing kisses in taxis, though I' m fond of that. […] It's finding someone who fits around you and inside you, who you die for because you want them to exist more than you want your own life to go on. There's independence in that kind of love. It makes you both strong, so long as it's mutual”.

 

                            Form “The Dress Thief”

                                          by Natalie Meg Evans

 

       In many books I have found various meanings of love, but this one, this meaning, introduces a new principle to the whole subject. “...someone who fits around you and inside you...” . That is the phrase that opened new aspects to my idea of true love. I had never thought before that love could be associated with fitting around and  inside someone. I was oblivious to the fact that it could be so important to be the sheath to one's sword, both physically and mentally. And I am not talking about heterosexual love only, I am talking about all kinds of love. Homosexual, transgender, gender fluid, does it really matter how we name it? At the end of the day it's still love. Pure, vulgar, raw and... fitting love. I will make an attempt at interpretation. I suppose that if we observed a couple which cannot stand one another, which fights all the time then we would say that they don't really fit around each other, right? But I wonder, how would two people who actually fit around each other be like? I don't think that it is about the lack of conflict or the always intertwined fingers and the full-teeth sugar smiles. No. I am inclined to believe that it is about how they are with each other when it comes to complete silence and unrelenting fights. And about what they are saying with their eyes when they are not talking or touching. And about their deepest thoughts, thoughts that are so dark that they either steal all the smiles away or make them devilish and mischievous.  It is so complicated but so simple a declaration. Love is about what one communicates without uttering a single word and about what one feels without having to explain it. Love, I think, is a silent situation that turns, or, is capable of turning into a complete chaos with only a smile during an outrageous argument or a touch at the most unexpected of hours. How odd, but how...daring, in a way. Like a challenge that you cannot resist but take up.

       And now to the “fits inside you” part. I am not an expert in these matters but I speak from experience when I say that, before you find someone that fits inside your body and decide that he or she is the one for you, make sure that they can fit inside your mind as well. There are many people who go after the first and neglect the other. I am not saying that that's wrong. Everyone has their priorities and desires in this life, but I sincerely feel that if you truly want to be loved and appreciated, like I do, you have to go after both body and mind. If you only go after the body, then are you really any different from an animal? And if you only go after the mind will you ever really be satisfied as a soul?  For me, the one cannot function properly without the other. Making love with your body is one thing, surely pleasurable, but I don't think that it is as fulfilling as when two minds make love or even better, when both minds and both bodies make love all together. The spirituality of the moment, the combined energy and wits as well as the little giggles and shudders that come afterwards. Can you find a better feeling than a feeling that is fittingly shared? I don't know. Maybe, I'm old fashioned. “Let me not to the marriage of true minds...” . The modern world … does not function like that and this realisation saddens me. It saddens me because I understand that in the quest for love, my mindset is a little different from other men's and women's. Because I understand that love like this is so difficult that only exists in my beloved books and films. And I suppose this sadness will continue to linger until I find my other half. Ah, even calling it “ my other half” sounds so stupidly romantic. It takes me back to the times of Bronte and Austen. I think times were different then, people more restrained, especially women. And perhaps that is what caused the birth of shared, wild and undeniable love back then.  The existence of  restraints, by society, by family, by status which no matter how awful, made everything more fiery and passionate and true. Nowadays with all that freedom, people, I think, are scared of loving like that. It is so frightening to love, when nothing exists to hold you back. When there's no one to defy and go up against.

Author's Note

Firstly, I would like to make clear that these are my personal and private thoughts on love and relationships which I have decided to share online after great consideration. Please,if you are going to review them, keep that in mind and try to be objective and constuctive. Secondly, what inspired these thoughts was actually the quote in the beginning of the text. It is from a book I have recently finished. Its name and author are mentioned in the text. The picture is from pinterest and I merely used it to have some colour and visual context. All rights to the person who took the picture and uploaded it to the internet in the first place. Thirdly, I am sure that while you'll be reading you'll notice that there is no constant form or continuance in my thoughts. I wrote these things without having inhibitions and without being prejudiced and of course I thought that it was best not to edit them completely. There are some changes from the original text but they are minor ones and mostly concern grammar mistakes or spelling. Lastly, the reason I do this, sharing parts of my journal online, is because I don't really have people in my life with whom I can share thoughts like these and you know, when you are thinking of things like that it is impossible to keep them to yourself. At least it is impossible for me. Thus, by putting them out there I feel sort of less alone. And I know it sounds sad but really it's not, it's just that... I haven't yet found the right people in my life to talk about stuff like that. That's all. And until I do, well I guess writerscafe must help me unburden myself. Thank you in advance for your reading and reviews.