- Black Rose -

 

I saw you in the garden, I wanted you so much
I really thought you were different,

Oh I couldn´t get enough

I tried to save you from yourself, I felt every high and low
Now the lows have drowned the highs away,

now there´s no where else to go

Black rose your thorns are cutting into me for the last time
Black rose I saw your petals wilt away,

I couldn´t bring you back to life

You were always where the sun could never go
I never wanted you to have to be alone
But I couldn´t find a way to help you grow
Black rose.

Author's Note

Back-up requested :'D

Reviews

[stars are far]

nice..nice..nice
love that a lot

[Richard Beard]

Agreeing with Francesca's points. Consistency is very important.

This is an enticing poem. As you grow in life and experience, I will be interested to see how your work progresses. So, please keep posting it!

[Francesca]

Creative and touching. It's a very nice poem. Just two suggestions.
Capitalize the second now here
"Now the lows have drowned the highs away,
now there´s no where else to go"
All of your other lines are capitalized at the beginning so this one is off.
And this line, which is one of the most important, is really long and throws off the flow of the poem:
"Black rose your thorns are cutting into me for the last time"
You should try to split it up somehow, or if you don't want to because it's a line that's supposed to stand out, than maybe make it by itself, with spaces between the lines before and after it.

[..]

This is amazing.

[Amit Parmessur]

Excellent poem. Simple and good.