Pool Party

Pool Party

A Story by Amanda Patschke

The mother of a teenage girl has been shot and killed by an unknown criminal. The daughter Melissa is comforted by her boyfriend Seth but they both fear that Melissa's life is in danger.


I loved my mother. She died after a criminal shot her in the parking garage at the building where she worked. No one knew if the murderer would be found since there were no security cameras in the area. The day after, I was with my boyfriend.

“Curse that criminal!” said Seth, glaring out into space. It was evening and we were sitting on the front steps of my house. We had just come back from the funeral. I was crying and Seth was spitting out his anger.

“If I ever meet him I’ll kill him for sure!” His outburst stopped my tears.

“You really think he’ll come back?”

Seth lowered his voice. “I don’t know, Melissa.”


* * *


On my birthday a month later the killer remained unknown. Still suffering from the grief, I didn’t plan on having a birthday party but Seth threw a surprise one at his backyard pool. Although he knew I couldn’t swim I guess it was his way of urging me to try. I had always been afraid of water since I was a little kid. My parents had trouble making me take baths and after I refused to even touch the water in my first swimming lesson it was hopeless to take any again. However, as I grew up my phobia became less extreme. I had already been in Seth’s pool before. I just never got to the depth where my feet couldn’t touch the bottom.

After playing in the pool for a while, I sat down at a table to drink some punch. Seth got out with me but he was distracted talking to a friend nearby. While I was alone my newest friend Henry sat down next to me.

When I first met him in English class last year we connected through our interest in the subject. We loved discussing books and poetry but there was a certain air about him that made me uncomfortable. He often said something scary before saying it was a joke or disappeared when Seth came around. I wondered how Seth managed to tell him about the party.

“Why don’t you swim?” asked Henry, looking me in the eyes.

“You would laugh at me if I told you,” I replied. He laughed anyway.

“I’m only laughing because you won’t tell me. You trust me, don’t you?”

“With what?”

“Not to laugh, of course,” he said. “I know you wouldn’t trust me with anything else. After your mother died you were clinging to Seth all the time. He’s the only guy you’ve ever trusted.”

“Why are you saying this? I had no idea you were so jealous.” My heart started beating nervously. “How could you mention my mother? What was she to you?”

“Nothing. I only saw you on the news after it happened. If only you had trusted me. Then I wouldn’t have to kill you.”

“What?” I said, getting out of my chair and backing away from him. He followed me.

“Time to die!” he shouted, pulling out something from his jacket. It was a gun. I leaped at him and tried to yank it away, but he threw me back hard and I fell into the deep end of the pool. I couldn’t swim. All the people were running away in fright save for my boyfriend. We were both going to die.

My breath was lost and my eyes stung as I saw Seth try to wrestle the guy’s gun away from beneath the water. Shots broke out and my sight faded as I was forced into unconsciousness.


* * *


“Melissa!” called out a voice high above my world of darkness. I was brought back to blurry vision and an extreme headache. My lungs coughed up loads of water onto what appeared to be the pebbled side of the pool.

The voice belonged to Seth. His mouth was bleeding and he had bruises coloring in, but everything changed when I saw the gunshot wound in his chest, blood pouring out of it. When I frantically looked around more I saw the other guy lying dead close to us. I knew Seth would not survive either. I could see more blood surfacing in the pool.

“No Seth,” I whimpered, getting up and wincing from the pain in my head. He had collapsed and was taking in his last breaths. I leaned over him, looking into his eyes. They sank with sadness and then nothing.

© 2014 Amanda Patschke

Author's Note

Amanda Patschke
Do you think Henry was the same criminal that murdered Melissa's mother?

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Cool story. But I do not understand Henry's motives.Your story is like reading David Lynch.

Posted 2 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amanda Patschke

2 Years Ago

Yes, I didn't spend nearly enough time writing this. There's an alternate version in chapter three o.. read more
this is funny. no one can take it seriously because the killer would have to be crazy to give himself away like that. haha

Posted 6 Years Ago


Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That's a nice story. And which it's pretty cool to have a transalation other than English.Well, maybe the boy who kill Seth is the one who kill her mom? I guess so.

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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4 Reviews
Added on August 15, 2010
Last Updated on May 8, 2014
Tags: story, teen, fiction, mystery, suspense, thriller


Amanda Patschke
Amanda Patschke

Pearland, TX

School: Pearland High School '11 San Jacinto South College University of Houston Central Sex: Female Birthday: February 23, 1993 Siblings: one older sister Political Views: Republican Rel.. more..