Pieces of Eight

Dedicated to my Misfit Kids.

Numbered eight and going strong,

Loving life and nothing wrong.

Five takes leave directed South

The calm beginning of a drought.

Three and Four eternally tense,

Ripped apart by past intents.

Six and Seven are future bound

Much to do and time unfound.

Two meets Six-hundred-sixty-four,

Poison fuses to their core.

Eight's bright light flickers weakly,

Influence conquering rather bleakly.

And One is left to watch it all

Helplessly pushed up against the wall.

One sees their sadness, their hate and their pain

Pleading that someday animosity wanes.

One lost them all in the blink of an eye

Watching at a distance while life passed by.

Uncertainly and fear threaten to overflow

As One begins to fade into zero.

Author's Note

I am interested to see what people think of this.

Reviews

[Lady Glitter]

I like these lines, "...Five takes leave directed South
The calm beginning of a drought."

"...Eight's bright light flickers weakly,
Influence conquering rather bleakly...."

I can read what I want into this family account; but this verse seems to be speaking about when children leave home. The parent(s) either knows their propensities before they leave, or learns them afterward. The descriptions seem to be based on past, present AND future knowledge of these personalities.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Sandi. This one comes off very family oriented which is how I wanted it, though there are no parents involved. I leave the rest up to you though, as I want it to mean something different to all who experience it. =)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

As for the last one in poetry I read of yours posted --- this has a complex scheme in the write...and the usage of the numbers...like in cadence...sets this piece in motion...

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you, the numbers have great meaning, so I am glad they take the wheel.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I miss sounding off cadence in the Marine Corps...when we went on runs...I have a loud voice...and a way with the rhyme scheme...so I was always chosen to recite them...this has the feel to it...with the numbers...like 123 1, 123 2, 123 3, and so forth...and the rhyme you weave through this work...

[A. Amos]

Forst thanks to April for directing me here, amazin write and love the way you portrait such a delicate subject. Well done!

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Amos, I appreciate you dropping by to read and review! =)

[J. K. Beach]

You have given us a glimpse of a complicated equation of family relationships... it's seldom 2+2= anything when it comes to kids, especially siblings. I love the couplets--it's almost like you are trying to knit the poem and it's representative lives back together one line at a time. Beautiful flow, tightly knit words, and satisfying rhyme make this a lovely read. I certainly hope the equation adds up for one again...

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review and I am glad it read well for you. I hope things work out as well. =)

[NoelHC]

A unique view on a normal life, well written, and thought provoking.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for reading and commenting Noel, it is much appreciated.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

kids can cause so much pain and heartache, but also so much joy...interactions, reactions and chain reactions to each other, to each other's leaving, dealing with each other's pain...causing it.

when kids go awry...it's not always the parents' fault...kids can be raised wonderfully and still go off the path...but wow..."as one begins to fade into zero"


sooner or later they will all leave the roost...and then we can only hope that "someday all the animosity wanes"
and the family can once again find closeness.

[Ashira Macy]

Wonderfully taken Jacob, thank you for reading and this wonderful reply.

[Matching Socks]

I'll echo everything my verbose friend April has said below.
Such a unique poem, it has a child like playful flow making the serious undertones easier to digest.
Very good write my friend. :-)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Ance, I am glad you stopped by to read it, it means a lot. =)

[AprilRN1210]

isn't it girl.. thank you for reading ma'am.. I thought this was too good to be sitting here alone.. ((hugs))

[Matching Socks]

Haha! No problem, I've been going through this girl's poems one by one as time permits, I think she's pretty great. :-) Don't tell her I said that.

[Ashira Macy]

Careful ladies or my cheeks will be forever stained pink.

[Matching Socks]

Permanent blush, brilliant. Like tattooed eyeliner.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, that would scare me. Tattoos are beautiful, but I wouldn't want a vibrating needle going anywhere near my eyes.

[AprilRN1210]

Oh my goodness... wow... I love this.. I don't understand why not more reviews than this.. If you don't mind can I send a few RR to some of my friends?... I think they will love it as much as I do... Very well done.. Where to start.. I love the flow, the construction, the rhythm, the tone, the rhyme scheme.. This is just brilliant.. it is clever, it is fun, and it is meaningful..

It sure just takes ONE to lose it all.. It can be rather lonely.... and love how you ended with it fading to zero.. I love how you made this entire thing into a journey..Showing how many of us can become ruined by past intents, poisoned by fear and doubts, animosity, and life in general.. I mean it has so many layers and jeez.. it is done so beautifully.. awesome... just awesome...

[Ashira Macy]

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I didn't expect such a rave review, I certainly appreciate the depth you found in it. I would be honored if you sent RRs to your friends, that is so sweet! This poem was spur of the moment, but it is what convinced me that I should start writing again. Again, thank you so much, your review was better than I ever could have hoped for. XD

[AprilRN1210]

It was my pleasure.. it really is done wonderfully.. and you SHOULD be writing with this talent.. yes ma'am.. :)
look forward to reading more of your works.. feel free to send me RR anytime.. ((hugs))

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much! And you as well, I would love to see more of your word mastery.

[AprilRN1210]

you are more than welcome!! and girl, feel free to just dig right on through there.. there is some of everything in there.. I admit, I write some pretty steamy stuff but I try to label it on the outside to warn... :)

[Ashira Macy]

No worries, I have no problem with steam, it is a guilty pleasure of mine. Has been for years. And so begins my treasure hunt!

[AprilRN1210]

well, then I suggest "Tease" it is pretty steamy and was a joy to write.. but kinda long.. if you want short steam.. go for "naughty appetite".. that one was FUN to write..

[Ashira Macy]

Will do, to both!

[AprilRN1210]

ha... can't wait to hear what you think ma'am.. don't say I didn't warn you.. they are umm... steamy... lol

[Mark]

I’m so sorry to comment on Aprils review, but she has a habit of saying truth (leaving the rest of us with nothing to say but “what she said” Grrr…)
So, I agree… WOW, this hits home for me, I feel I know you, or you’ve just described someone very close to me “two meets six hundred and sixty four, poison fusses to their core”… (I have a habit of exploring particular lines, this one is my favourite)
And One, in ending fading to Zero… stuck frozen watching emotions depart into indifference, perfectly finishing this write leaving only the silence on nothingness…
Thank you Ashira, I found this beautiful in its quiet reflection

[Ashira Macy]

No worries, thank you so much for taking the time to read. Your review is fantastic and insightful, and I am glad you analysed that line further, it has a very deep meaning to it. I am happy and sad that you could relate to this, I wouldn't wish the experience upon anyone. Again, thank you for taking the time. =)

[AprilRN1210]

sneaking in on my review.. I see how it is... grrrrr back at you!!

Seee, told you it was AWESOME... thanks for reading...

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, you guys are so sweet. Thank you for sharing this!!!

[AprilRN1210]

it was my pleasure... this is pretty darn awesome...

[Mark]

Just seen my mistake in reviewing on a review (shhhhhh... April!) Laughing :)

Yes… that is my favourite line, it is the crux, and left unattended the reason for Zero
And I thank you again for sharing, and April too for directing me here

[Ashira Macy]

Again, very insightful. I guess you do know me. =)

[Mark]

Insightful… I guess? So I leave you with this (and stop hijacking Aprils review;)
If you look into the distance you’ll see a tiny spark.
And as with all, fed with truth and an open heart
A raging fire will grow, dispelling all things dark
One will become 8 and 8 into one
It is that simple, I guess.. for some;)
(but seriously… I’m just a simple guy, hiding from the light;)

[Ashira Macy]

How beautiful! Thank you for that my friend.

[Edward Lancheister]

This is most rhyme poem i ever see. Short and full of rhyme. Its okay with me. I could get the message about 8

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks for the review! =) I enjoy using the AABB structure, but I know I need to branch out.