In Her Eyes

 He gazed at her in complete awe as the sun touched down on her form, illuminating each of her features in ethereal rays. Her curls fell gracefully around her caramel skin in bronze ringlets that bounced with any small movement and danced with playful gusts of wind. The light reflected off of her tresses highlighting her different shades of chestnut and amber, and shining down on its elegant waves that could make the sea just beyond her ripe with jealousy.

She turned in surprise to face him, wide eyes meeting his for the first time and he nearly hit the ground. These windows were like nothing he had ever experienced. It was as though he had leaped into two almond shaped pools of chocolate coated understanding and forgiveness. As he swam in her untamed copper gaze glittering in the waning daylight he found himself stepping forward to brush his hands through her cocoa locks and finally felt at home.

Author's Note

Here is my attempt at one of the prompts for the Show, Don't Tell Contest.

Reviews

[Briana O'Connor]

Wow this was beautiful! Congradulations on winning the contest This painted such a vivid picture in my mind that I almost didn't want to let go of it! The words flowed fluently and I didn't notice any errors as far as spelling or grammar. Awesome job. I too entered the contest and attempted the challenge. You're entry has taught me about description and "showing" more than "telling". Thank you for sharing and teaching writers like me how to grow. Keep up the good work. If you can please return the favor by reviewing one of my pieces.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much for your lovely review, I really appreciate your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed the piece, it was an interesting experience to write, forgoing story for description is not something I am used to.

[priya]

Hearty congratulations Ashira.... really beautiful...the way you write makes me feel like i am in another world.... :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Priya, I am so glad you enjoyed it. =D

[priya]

i did... :D

[Jonas]

Perfect. It really captures the entire picture in your head, complete with all the great colour.
Congratulations and vale!

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Jonas, I appreciate it! =D

[Jonas]

Happy long as you do.

[C. Rose]

favorite line: 'chocolate coated understanding"

Well done :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you C. Rose, I am happy you enjoyed it.

[J. Land]

Excellent job, Ashira! I agree with Jack that you do a wonderful job drawing the reader into your piece through description. You'll give me something to shoot for.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much J. Land, I am so happy that you feel that way. =D

[Sharon Kim]

Congratulations on your win! This is beautifully descriptive. Well done!

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Sharon, I appreciate that. =)

[Nusquam Esse]

This is filled with a wealth of intriguing and stimulating metaphors. As a longer piece it would be too cumbersome and pretentious (don't go this overboard on a story), ultimately falling apart (thus why showing and telling in all actuality have to be held in balance). But at this length, you paint a unique and powerful image; it is a good example of show don't tell. I don't know what the other entries look like, so I can't be sure; but you have a good chance as a finalist with this.

[Ashira Macy]

Honestly, that is why I lost interest in reading "the Lord of the Rings". I found there to be WAY to much description of the scenery and not enough story line. (Hopefully no one gets offended, I know they are great stories if you can get past the descriptions.) Anyway, thank you so much for your input, I will probably leave it as is.

[Nusquam Esse]

I think the Lord of the Rings trilogy is rubbish... so no offense from me. I didn't mind the hobbit as much (although still not quite my tastes). My favourite author is Franz Kafka; a huge difference from Tolkien.

[Ashira Macy]

I loved "the Hobbit" but it was written soooo differently. I am not sure if I have read anything by Kafka.

[Nusquam Esse]

it is not traditional fiction... so I hardly expect people to like it.

[Sophy Freebirds]

I don' t know much about the contest baby but with your apt descriptiona and picturesque quality you' ve gained my appreciation.. I could picture all this unfolding right infront of my eyes :) Beautiful and sweet.
With a delicious chocolate coating of romance blended with shrewd metaphors.

~Sophy

[Ashira Macy]

Thank so much my dear, I am glad you liked this one. I am considering adding more to it, as it is rather short. =)

[Sophy Freebirds]

Yea you can make it an epic.. we are gonna enjoy it. :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Sophy, you are too sweet!

[Sophy Freebirds]

Aww you're welcome n***a :)

[Shirlena]

Well your chances of winning or great with the usage of delicious metaphors like "chocolate coated understanding" and "copper gaze glittering". One finds something to become immersed in with this kind of rich language and description. Another treasure read.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you again Shirlena, I am glad you found this one entertaining. =)

[John Preston]

I like this very much. a good write here.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you my friend.