Gluttony (Seven Deadly Sins Series)

Over-consumption is the name of my game

The ache in my belly ever prominent

Surrounded by sustenance I feel no shame,

Not a single notion in mind to repent.

My family mourns the monster I became

As they know my future will promptly be spent

Choking on rats as they wriggle down my maw

Snakes and toads force-fed to extinguish this flaw.

Author's Note

I have challenged myself to write one poem for each of the Seven Deadly Sins, and to use a different form for each. Here is Gluttony in the form of an Ottava Rima. Suggestions? Comments?

Reviews

[raj24]

. very powerfully written ... i was just thinking wow... how that person actually controls herself from eating so much.. everything is going in and she is not even showing a sign of giving up.. enjoyed it.. but its not healthy.. but is it a sin.. really.. i thought its just a habit..:) thanks for sharing :)

Raj

[Ashira Macy]

Yeah it is counted as one of the Deadly. It is not just eating, it is anything that causes excessive waste, but it is mostly associated with eating nowadays. Thanks for reading Raj!

[Igarin]

It truly tells the story of one who wishes to destroy him or herself by consuming more than it needs...

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Igarin! =)

[Blogger]

I like the writing and the message it conveys. I dont like the photo. It is over the top. (my opinion only.)
Maybe if you found a photo of a fat person walking down the street with a piece of pizza in their hand? LOL

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, I was going through and trying to find personifications of the sins, but all of them were female and that had me vaguely irked so I had to try something else. I might try looking for a different one though.

[Blogger]

Ok. Sorry if that sounded offensive.

[Ashira Macy]

No it didn't, no worries! I always value honest opinions, they help me grow as an artist. =)

[Blogger]

ok good. some have taken great offense here at suggestions and i'm glad you are open to those. Sometimes it stings a bit when i have received pointed advice so i know that!

[Ashira Macy]

If I disagree or am insulted I will let you know. I am a growing artist, just like everyone else on here, so I need to be humble and accept advice.

[Blogger]

Good for you. You seem very kind and easy going. I really think taking advice is HUGE since it helps us all to really get better.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you, I try to be. I have my evil moments, but I try to keep them to myself. >:-}

[Blogger]

Oh tell me more! Or, write about those.

[Ashira Macy]

There is some in my writing. I will see what I can come up with. =)

[Lyn Anderson]

Yucky, but effective, which is what I would expect a poem on this subject to be.

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, yes Gluttony's fate is pretty barf worthy I would say. Glad it was effective!

[Lady Glitter]

Yuck! Interesting format. Are you a student of poetry, or do you study formats on your own? Like the way that you explain, in the last line, how someone attempts to extinguish an addiction that really can't be put out.

[Ashira Macy]

Yeah this one is pretty sick. =P I have been researching different forms on my own this summer. I have never had any formal training on poetry aside from what is taught in elementary and middle school. But there are a few sites that offer examples and explanations of different types of poems, so I just go off of those.

[Lady Glitter]

Yeah, I have 2 sites bookmarked. Interestingly, I noticed that neither list the senryu. I heard of it here at WC.

[Ashira Macy]

How odd, mine do have them, though I looked the sites up after joining this site.

[Frieda P]

Gluttony never sounded so morose! Great rhyme scheme...

Choking on rats as they wriggle down my maw
Snakes and toads force-fed to extinguish this flaw.

I may not ever eat again! :)

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, sorry Frieda, not trying to ruin your appetite! I am glad you enjoyed it though!

[Frieda P]

You're doing a great job with these, no worries I'm Italiano, eating is in my DNA. ;)

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, I am Jewish and we eat to celebrate as well, so I know how that is!

[Frieda P]

Yep same difference... haha

[Sophy Freebirds]

I like how you have undertaken this challenging task of the series of deadlies. I especially like terza rima " ode to the westwind form.But here you've taken octava rima form and rhymed it superbly.. :) Yes gluttony should be shunned;but we humans are downright greedy.The word is perfectly defined in the following lines .keep writing Ashira.I will be coming for more treat; you know i am greedy ★ winks★ ;)

~Sophy

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks so much Sophy, I am glad you like the series so far. I am sure you are not greedy enough to be bound face to earth. Just the right amount, right? =P

[Sophy Freebirds]

Li'l amount of greed just proves that we are humans :) so i don't mind a li' l treat provided i know you serve it deliciously ;) ha... its a pleasure sweetie

[Sophy Freebirds]

Li'l amount of greed just proves that we are humans :) so i don't mind a li' l treat provided i know you serve it deliciously ;) ha... its a pleasure sweetie

[Nwanna Onyeka Benedict]

nice piece. speak the word precious one

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks for taking a look Nwanna!

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good description of the word gluttony. I have read Dante's inferno many times. His description is colder and harder. In the tale of Dante. Bad place to end. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you sir, yes he says a lot more about these sins than I do. There is a lot to be said.

[Coyote Poetry]

Dante's book scare the people of old. Hell was a very bad place. I wonder how he got the motivation and the thoughts to create this masterpiece?

[Ashira Macy]

He wrote during a very religious time, so I am sure that had a hand in it. That and he was a genius.

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes he was. He was a amazing writer.

[Fran Marie]

you expressed gluttony so very well, ...we live in a society where people are all too consumed
with overindulgence in everything and not just eating

[Ashira Macy]

Exactly right! It is something we need to examine about our culture, lest we lose sight of what is important.