Closet Emo Work: Euphoria

This piece was written during a time in my life that I look back upon in shame. It was one of my first attempts at writing lyric, which I am also ashamed of. I add this piece for anyone who enjoys reading this style of writing. Open for review only.

 

What you’re about to hear is a deadly sin,

So sit back, relax, and let the pain begin.

 

As I slide the blade across my wrist

I try to stop, but it still insists.

The pain and hate, about to melt away.

I want to leave them, but they have to stay.

 

I know what I’m doing is a deadly sin,

But I sit back, relax, and let the pain begin.

 

The blood, it boils, slides too and fro.

I cover my wrists so they’ll never know.

The pain is great.

I want it dead,

But that can’t happen with this s**t I’m fed.

 

Euphoria buried deep within my skin.

To coax it out I need to slash my shallow brittle paper skin.

 

Ouch.

Slash.

Bleed.

Pain.

Suffer.

Suffer.

Suffer.

 

The Euphoria’s buried deep within my skin,

So I sit back, relax, and let the pain begin.

Reviews

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Not a fan of emo much, but I love this piece. ^^ Your "Closet Emo Work" isn't that bad--but yeah, I know what you mean by "look[ing] back upon shame"... I think we all have those moments in our life we hate; take me, for example, I used to be a fan of rap... :P Scarred for life. T.T

...

Anyways, I like what you've got here, and I'm very pleased that you'd share it with us. I say it's really good- the rhyming, the flow, and... well, okay, I'll admit the content is freakin' awesome as well... ;) lol! So yeah, excellently written, I say!

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

[Drea]

cover your wrists; so they'll never know.

Well there is shame apparent in that line. If that was what you wanted to portray it is certainly evident in that line alone.

The main stutter I had in cadence was with shallow brittle paper skin. I would eliminate brittle to keep the flow. No; no cruel pun intended. Keep shallow by all means. The whole EMO cutting thing is in the end a shallow cry for attention; its reached such pandemic proportions of popularity.

Youth has always had its angst and rebellion and time of pushing against the establishment. Oh yes and feeling like all was lost. We never went round slicing ourselves up over it in mass numbers before. I'm not saying that frying your brain on a cocktail of drugs is the best option either by the way; just less painful. Anyway soapbox away.

Curious though? would a cutter really say Ouch? It struck me as odd. Heroin addicts don't even wince when the needle goes in.

The rest of the work is to the point. Oh I should find other words that don't smack of pun; truly sorry.
Your poem would; if set to music, would likely reach out to those in the early stages of angst and would work fine for lyrics.
Though I think you can likely come up with something deeper,and darker that would build off of this; perhaps using these words as chorus or bridge lyrics.
I just know you have it in you

[KEi]

......
Sorry. I'm already putting a melody and some chords to this. It works so well with melody. :D

Heh... I remember ages I tried to write in this style (mainly because I thought it would sound cool, not because I actually felt that way, which is probably why I failed dismally. How naive was I? lol) and it just didn't work.
Not many people can do it properly; you know, without sounding whiny.
I don't usually go in for this kind of writing, but I like your style.
:D
:D

[[untitled]]

This is a very powerful piece! I like that your writing is dark. Not a lot of people attempt to write this way. I like the image you painted with the words. The structure is great! This poem is very good.

[Olivera]

I must say I usually do not like anything connected to death in such way as suicide or so, but this poem is splendid piece of true goth writing and I REALLY like it and appreciate it.
Even more, on my opinion, this is a unique piece of poetry of open minded artist.

[Dark Daughters]

Hmmm with some heavy guitar rifts, I could almost imagine this as a song. Great Job!

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Once upon a time, people would have considered this "gothic". Now everything is about "emo." Whether it has to do with low self-esteem or pain, or crying. I really hate all the labels. It's as if someone can't be themselves because they would be "emo" or something. If someone is depressed, for various reasons, they are "emo". Things like that really freaking tick me off.

Sorry that was really off subject. When I lived in a small town, there was a lot of this going on. People would slice their arms up, thier necks, their legs, just to show it off and get attention for it. I don't understand people who do that. Some people need the pain and that's why they resort to cutting themselves. The one's who don't do it for attention are the ones who are the last expected to have cut themselves. I think I said that right. Once their eyes are opened, they see that they don't need to do it because they are the ones bringing themselves down, but they have to get out of the current situation that they are in, to begin hoping for the best.

I really like this piece. I think it would help explain to people why it is that people do what they do. Thank you for sharing.

"What you're about to hear is a deadly sin,
So sit back, relax, and let the pain begin." --- I really love this. They catch you off guard and pull you in right from the start.

" cover my w2rists " --- I think you can see what I am going to say, haha.

[M_S_Lay]

Wow, that was very dark. But a nice little voyueristic ride.
Nicely done