Free Fall

Can you save you? Can you save yourself?

Pop the clutch. Pull it around.

Fight for your lives. We're going down.

Change the course. We're going to die.

Our vessel is shattered; unable to fly.

I'd kill to stay airborne, but the controls are lost.

There IS hope, we CAN save us, but at what cost?

I'm not fine without you, but you're better without me.

This pain that I caused you, how could I not see

the damage I've done? You deserve to hate me.

I live in the shadows, so how could I not see

your brilliance of light right in front of me?

I"m trying, I promise, to change what I am,

But the process is slow. For my sins, I'll be damned.

The cause is my ignorance for why we crash and we burn.

Nothing's more important, and trust me, I yearn

for the day that we can be free.

That day WILL come, because I'm changing me.

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

This pain that I caused you, how could I not see

the damage I've done? You seserve to hate me.

I live in the shadows, so how could I not see

your brilliance of light right in front of me?


A wonderfully penned piece ~ with deep emotions expressed in awesome verse
well donE!! THanks for sharing in the HBH Contest

Fran Marie

[~angelalala~]

i have to say i love your writing style. you put alot of intense emotions in all of your poems. i like how this one compares a relationship failing to a 'freefalling' crashing plane. unique imagery here. another great piece.

[Michelle Tarnowski]

I read this piece several times. The beginning has a good rhythm but somewhere in the middle it looses that flow. I love the line "I live in the shadows, so how could I not see your brilliance of light right in front of me" A wonderful use of contrast. A couple of misspells were found:
"You seserve to hate me." Was "seserve" suppose to be deserve?
"and trust me, I urn" you may want to change urn to yearn.
You've done well expressing your thoughts.

[Ahmad Alhour]

Pretty nice, I like it!
Simple, thoughtful... as I was reading the intro, I thought it is political poem but the more I sink the more it became so clear that it's way too personal.

Good Job,
Keep it up.