Silent Suicide Prayers

I'm here in the hospital for just that reason, against my will, for the protection of myself. Every night, I pray this to God.

Its eleven 'oclock and I'm more alone than ever.

My Lord, my God, why didn't you make me more clever?

Maybe, just maybe, I'd have seen what I did wrong.

Maybe, just maybe, I'd be back where I belong.

These words, though I try, flow due to my lack of power.

For my sins, I want to die, yet I do nothing but cower

In the presence of your glory, though I deserve to burn in hell,

The penance for which I've asked you. My God, how far have I fell?

So silently I gaze into the darkness before me,

Knowing you're there. Why can't this restore me?

These obscenities I'm screaming are only meant for you.

Please, hear my prayer. I wish it weren't true.

"Bestow unto me, my God, my full pain.

Cleanse thy heart and mind, for I now fear to be sane.

Allow me the passage of my soul to your side

And leave me not memories of my soul's great divide.

My Lord and my God, I beseech you this prayer,

For I no longer wish to partake of the air.

Relinquish these bonds that hold me to life,

For I am no longer willing to suffer its strife."

Reviews

[Calypso]

Well there way a point where I was like this (I wrote a story on it and put it this website). God is keeping you alive, because of the great and wonderful things he has planed. We are like clay. For us to be of any use we have to be molded. Clay is a tough substance that for you to even make a form you have to knead it (which is like kneading rock sometimes) and in your case the kneading is the added pain in your life. Nevertheless a potter must knead the clay or when he set it in the cooker( I can't remember what its called) the pot will exploded! So God needs to 'knead' you so that that the point that your spiritual gift and this 'molding' comes together for the goodness and praise of God, you will know how to handle it. Good luck, and good job for staying alive.

[LazerRays]

Wow. This is simply lovely. Broken and vunerable. Raw. That's the prettiest beauty; being out in the open. Emotions... Wow.... I love this. The power of prayer... :)

[..R.I.P..]

This is probably the only piece of writing on this site, that I've read so far, that I can relate to 100%. Great write.

[Jaeda]

The anguish and sadness in this poem gives me vivid mental images, even if my own experiences won't ever compare. Thanks for submitting.

[Gheeneil]

There are just many others who are blinded by their own wrong doings and they have not come to acknowledge that. The good thing about this prayer is that the persona recognizes his "sins". Thus, it opens door for repentance. The sad part is, he makes that his reason to escape life instead of a way to renewal. Perhaps, he gets carried away by how he feels at that moment because sometimes humans do cower. By the way, it's "penance" not "pennance". Nice one.

[Amy Carrington]

Morgan, you are clever, at least in the aspect of how you treat other people. The only stupidity I see in you is this thought that you commited some "sin" that you should die for. I doubt you have ever made a person as miserable as you are making yourself. Try to love yourself a little more, because we all do.

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Well, I'll admit: This is one of the reasons why I became Agnostic. Religion is capable of doing anything--good and evil. It almost killed you, and considering the unbearable thought of having a cliffhanger of a message in my inbox, I'm glad I wandered away from religious faith in order to find something more comforting-- but that's besides the point, I guess.

I really hope you're doing better. :) You will remain in my thoughts, in hopes that you truly CAN become a better person by learning from your actions, whether they be a righteous doings (like introducing me to Metal) or mistakes (...like attempted suicide). There is always a lesson to be learned that will allow you to forgive yourself and move on as a happier individual, just as well as there are always more than two solutions without having to give up.

Keep your family and friends close, and when in doubt, write.

Eternally Yours, Blade and Blood

[Jinx's Heart]

Wow! The tone of desperation is so vivid. This poem reminds me of a poem I wrote last summer--all because of some traumatic events. I just feel I can relate to it, as cliche as that may sound. If you're up to it, would you read my poem, "A Calling To God"?
You have a beautiful talent! This was very well written! Awesome work!

[Linda Stinson]

Oh my goodness, I am almost inclined to ask, how, what, when, where, and why. First off, what you feel are feelings and feelings change, day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment. So make it through the moment because in a few, you may feel another way. Hold out for the good ones, they are there and they are coming. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is forgiven. Just forgive yourself. That is the hard part, looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see.
You have voiced some deep seeded feelings here and you are now on the road to recovery. See you have me talking like this is a real person (?) Excellent work, and I am no therapist. Just been divorced five times. I'm qualified for something even if it is wrong. hehehe