Hating Love

Solemnly she stares at him
Her heart is beating slow
Deep thick cold ripples of blood,
Flow throughout her veins

 

Hatred's chill oozing into her bones
Love fleeing in terror
From the overwhelming sensation

 

The tears well up in her eyes

Her hands drop to her side

She surrenders to the feeling

 

Knowing it's her own fault she's alone.

Reviews

[JENY]

Good narration of a negative feeling…in somebody…
Hope that it is not you…
Very authentic write….
concise as well as pithy…
liked it…

[N/A]

I really like this, the line'' Deep cold ripples of blood'' seems to encapsulate the feeling of slow realisation of something bad. This is a fantastic piece,and you're beat and flow are well done.
Good work XXX

[Hippy]

yeah man its pretty sad i do say great show of emotion

[Alex W]

This is a very emotional piece, it's very good. I do like the style of one line at the end to finish the poem. I use it often.

Kudos! :-)

[A.Lee]

You have a lot of talent in putting feeling to your words. The pent up emotion she's feeling is almost tangible.

Only criticism: "Hatrid's chill oozing into her bones" --> did you mean "Hatred's chill"?

[Michael X]

this reads lyrically and has a great undertone. the inention of emotion came through clearly, and that made your writing a pleasure to read, awsome job