Time to Play God

'When you attempt to eliminate risk from your life, you eliminate along with it, your ability to function.' - Fred Penzel.

 

Stop

            Stop

                        Stop:

The air around me becomes fuzzy, fuzzier.

My brain: a frantic, fearful chaos.

NOW! Deploy emergency procedures!         

If possible, quickly make way to nearest private place -

 

A tumour is developing. I’ve got to check,

And quick, how established the cancer has become.

Will I die today? Perhaps not; if I adjust my disguise

I’ll be able to rid myself of disease, it normally works.

 

Get

            On

                        With

                                    Life:

WAIT! My attire, something... not quite ‘right’...

(Andrew asks each week, what does ‘right’ mean?

What is perfection my friend? Perfection doesn’t exist,

Your brain has made perfect up, it’s fiction dear one)...

If out: cope, make excuse, leave early, anything -

If home: change the dilemma, rejoice!

 

Stop

            Seemingly

                              Inevitable

                                                Deaths:

Between the cracks, sir, you know the drill.

Between the leaves sir, you know the routine.

Straight lines, I said straight now, you know

Better than to ignore me nowadays, don’t you?

 

Collapse

               From

                         Constant

                                         Thought:

Lie in bed. Get out of bed, change, change it now.

Get into bed, ache beyond oblivion.

Get out of bed, change, change it now.

Collapse to the floor, it’s now I wish for death,

Rather than spend my life irrationally thinking

I can stop it. I laugh, as f*****g if, who am I, God?

Reviews

[Emma Joy]

Any diagnosis throws a person into confusion .. life becomes a nightmare and clear thinking just evaporates - and, this poem shows that. It's an extraordinary piece of writing: tight and structured as a written piece but its emotions are so raw. It's a moving piece, one that I find extremely sad.

Prayers for you, my friend.

[TAO]

Maybe you are God. I like this poem. I like how erratic it is. Bouncing around. Sounds like my father's wife, who also has OCD. Beautiful work.

[ALifeAquatic]

What a piece! Dark brooding and stylisticaly ingaging! I love the unusual way this is set out but I also love the fact that the imagery is so crisp, so vivid, so clinical!
It's been commented before but this is brilliantly hard hitting!

Hope to hear more from you, I'm away to read more!

AHouseOfChambers

[cest la vie]

I see you are back in full swing..
This is a hard hitting piece, fast, moving until the last line we seem to just collapse..with you.
excellent writing, most excellent..