Hear Me Now

As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, i wear my crown of thorns and pull the knife out my chest... 

 

  

I’ve stolen, lied, and been disrespectful

Tried to kill him, tried to kill me

But now, I find myself regretful

If I had died, would I haunt your memory?

Could you even see me for who I am?

Could you look me in the eye and say you’re my friend?

You can’t, I call bullshit, and refused to be scammed

I never really thought about how it would end…

 

I find myself, or at least a part of me

Lost in the shuffle and I want you to see

See with your broken eyes and not your callous speech

Cuz every word you speak becomes a leech

Sucking the life outta me

Now how do you feel pullin a knife outta me?

You stabbed me in the back, the front, hell swept my legs

And still I beg

For your approval, your acceptance

Damn I regret this

 

The decisions I’ve made were regrettable

But I hope to you, my actions are unforgettable

How did you feel when you saw me there?

Were you sad, angry, hell did you even care?

Of your course you don’t, you thought it was all pretend

I’m writing this so you can understand

I’m not crazy, psycho or delirious

Just serious

In serious need of assistance

But my persistence

Only warranted my non existence

 

Are you really that puzzled? Well here’s the last piece

Peace

In my mind, my body, my soul

My whole

Has been achieved

And yes I went against what you believed

And yes I’m sorry if I caused you to grieve

But grief

Is all you deserve, you thief

You stole my life, my self confidence

Keep reading these words; it’s you who brought me to this

I wish to whatever ^_god you praise

That I could see the look upon your face

The melancholic daze

Then raze

The little boy you claimed to raise

That you couldn’t even raise, out of a depressed phase

You called it a phase, for days

But you weren’t even fazed

You didn’t care, you still don’t

Still won’t

Get this through your thick skull

Stuffed and stuffed with s**t, your words so full

Of careless neglect

Demand respect?

When I’m still a spec

Shrinking away

More and more each day

Why do I hide?

Why didn’t you ^{open your eyes}_?

You could have stopped my suicide

 

Erase and burn everything you have of me

Denial of my death will erase my memory

Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you

No more calling, I saw right through you

 

How does it feel staring down into the casket?

Knowing that I was a basket

Case

Taste

The tears falling to your lips

But your face was dry when you cracked the whips

Dry and cold

Hateful and old

Bemused by abuse

And confused by the use

Of your hands as weapons

The silence, deafens

Spilt only by my screams

And the pain just teems

In the palm of your hands

Cuz I didn’t meet your demands

And on the edge of my knife

I wallow in strife

 

Can’t you see what’s happening here?

Hear

The words as I speak

And the blood leaks

From my wrists

And this…tenacious cancer in the back of my mind persists…

 

Have you ever just sat staring at a knife?

Not knowing if you would take it, or if it would take your life

It’s a bizarre feeling

And your mind is sent reeling

You fall back into the recesses, the bowls

The darkest pits of your imagination. Where the owls

Hoot and whoo

Who

Would have thought I’d been in this position

Time to break down the falsehood of my disposition

I would fain open this new door

If it meant I could feign no more

And feign, of course

Referring to my pain, my coarse

Mask I wear

A devilish task I dare

Not wish on any other

But it’s just another

Way for me to hide

And I hid this secret away until the day I died

 

 

Erase and burn everything you have of me

Denial of my death will erase my memory

Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you

No more calling, I saw right through you

 

 

People always choose to fear what they don’t understand

Gawk at the entity and reprimand

Stare hopelessly with epithets that never end

But I was afraid because I understood

That within me I held something I should

Rebuke and destroy

And not fall prey to this ploy

So I held the gun to his head

And timid I said,

 

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t leave you dead.

Why I should supply more of the malice on which you fed”

 

While I was timid, he was not so shy

I held my ground as I heard his reply,

 

“I am the reason you are alive,

In me you thrive.

I gave you power

Where you would cower.”

 

He knocked away my gun

Thinking he’d won.

He took over and became a part of me

He’s been writing, can’t you see?

He couldn’t take my elation

Trying to cause my incessant aberration

So I locked him away in the back of my brain

Seemingly it ended, but in reality I’d just masked the pain

 

I felt myself growing weary

Dreary

Clearly changing

Merely fading

He became a dreadful tumor, a twisted cancer

But now the answer

Is finally shifting into focus

And this plague of locusts

That I named sanity

Has metamorphosized into a beautiful ⁱⁿsanity

Through the lunacy where I dwell

You pushed me further into some perverted hell

And I pushed back, against the grain

Tolerated the strain

Until I came out with mortality in my hands

And your demands

Tossed aside

I lied

I murdered you, I am the reason you died

 

I come to the last stanza, final act

To state a few simple facts

In every human, there are imperfections

Yet a heightened detection

In the flaws of others

We call some our brothers

Yet your actions say other

Wise     …      {L i e s}

Wisdom

Will be on of the most valuable things to own

When you’ve found it, you can prove you’ve grown

That you’re past the petty bullshit

You’re done with it

That monster that sat in the back of your mind

Wasting your time

Making you kill

Taking your will

Until you feel you’ve lost control

Lost your hold

On life and your grip on reality

And the protruding duality

Of your opaque personality

“Shall so be in use and dreadful objects so familiar,”

That the caterpillar

You have in your fragile heart

Can start

To grow to the butterfly

And every evil in my heart and your own can finally die…

 

Erase and burn everything you have of me

Denial of my death will erase my memory

Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you

No more calling, I saw right through you

Author's Note

formatting might be a little weird...