What is happening to mother India?

When the whole world prays for gaza, am afraid they are unable to look at themselves. Before we point our fingers on our neighbouring nation, let’s have a look on our country.

                         

                                                     What is happening to mother India?

                                                     It is becoming a ferocious encyclopedia.

A girl got raped,

And the man escaped.

The whole seen obtained videotaped,

with the case being reshaped.

                                                      The poor become the poorer

                                                      And the rich become the richer.

                                                     Ones who sacrificed their lives for amity,

                                                      are now taking lives for enmity.

People sitting in front of TV, cheering favorite team,

soldiers battling hard, to attain everyone’s dream.

One man one religion,

has divided every region.

                                                    What is happening to mother India,

                                                   It has become a ferocious encyclopedia.

 Pray for Gaza, Pray for India

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

How effective is the poem in making people realize the truth?

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

Whilst the metaphor (well it's hardly a metaphor these are facts really) is simple and effective, the deliverance is again hindered by a 'lost in translation' issue. I've mentioned this in my other review and the same advice applies here. There's greatness sitting right in front of you, but this needs to be edited by someone with a very firm grasp on both your ideas and the English language to truly let the beauty of this poem out. I hope you find them because I can't wait to see what your words will become, and what you will deliver next.

-Robin

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

I agree with you Robin, though do you not mean Delivery vs Deliverance?

[Christopher Robin]

In almost all other cases yes Delivery would be the better word, though deliverance can still mean 'declaration or announcement'. I chose deliverance because of it's other meaning in relation to this poem. When i say 'let the beauty of this poem out' i truly mean to set it free, for it to be 'delivered' from the language barrier holding it back. It was deliberate because I rarely get to use it for both meanings :)

[Christopher Robin]

autocorrected that its to an it's, apologies.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

Okay, I guess it was the way you used it the sentence ...the deliverance is again hindered... that caused me to view it as a statement of condition vs a statement of transformation. Thank you for clarifying that.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

and autocorrect is the all of our bane! :D

[Christopher Robin]

No i totally understand your confusion, what I intended and how it reads would confuse me as well if i had not written it myself!

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

'and autocorrect is the all of our bane!' clearly, I need more coffee!

[Avanthika]

once again thank you robin, as promised will read the works of writers you told me

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Its a wake up call...the world has its ups and downs ---
and what's going on...you speak your mind and express that in the lines...
a prayer to the victims and an answer to normality...
the truth is not always what the world wants...its the conflict ---
that sets that apart...unfortunately we live in a world that does not all agree...
its the fallible nature of being human...
its finding the compromise and preventive measure to abide by the rules...
is the hard part...a resolve takes time...and once people realize it...
then can we live again in the peace we are accustom...until then the matter stands at a balance...

------

as for the effectiveness of this write...I believe you can change the format to give it more a punch to the audience...but that's just IMPO...and you are the creator of this work...you use a strict format with rhyme...at times in making a political statement...just better off to go prose...and use the right words to make your point of view...

[Avanthika]

Thanks a lot Glen, thanks for opinions , your suggestions will help me in improving my writing

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[Md. Ziaul Haque]

Thank you so much for writing this poem. Let's pray for a peaceful world.

[Avanthika]

Thank you Ziaul , we all will pray for a peaceful world

[Alex]

I think this is a beautiful poem. i think the message is really strong, and I have to add that I think the fact that it rhymes helps to read it much more fluidly, which probably assists in getting your message through to the reader. But, overall, I think it's a really beautiful poem indeed.

[Avanthika]

Thanks Alex, the speciality of my poem is that i try my best to include the rhymes

[anne]

It hurts me so much.....both Gaza and my present India......so much pain when such thing happens with a girl and we are silent.....so much pain when a poor dies just because of bread....so much pain when my people are suffering but we enjoy at our homes......But I believe they will change surely.....there was so much which made us proud on our country and what not that has to change......good effort from your side........

[Avanthika]

Thanks Anne

[Anika Morris]

Food for thought about the sad reality of life. So much bad stuffs are going on around us in the world, but only few persons pay attention because its not affecting them immediately. Your poem has inspired me more to continue praying for those who are hurting

[Avanthika]

Thanks Anika, we all will pray who are suffering day by day

[Priscilla Nishi]

Truly reflecting India's current situation.an eye opener indeed

[Avanthika]

thanks Priscilla :)

[Rene Salinas]

Well you could have as well just asked what is happening to all of us? As that is precisely one the issues we feel we are not related we feel that interdependnce is a fallacy and we remain disconnected as we say well is not happening to me so it can't be that bad!. Secondly I tend to pay attention to every detail so when you ask the question on the author's note I wonder if you really want an answer. The answer from my point will be. It fails magnificently becuase I am not sure what you mean by "truth" . I guess you must remember that Shiva weill go to great length to make us think what we call truth is nothing but yet another of his crafty doings. That aside the questions speak for themselves the frivolity, superficiality damn it even Dell yes the Computer manufactures is guilty as charged for one and all of the significant questions you ask. But as usual I think that the most important question of them all is missing maybe you want to re consider as nothing that is external is isolated and it is a reflection of what happens to ourselves inside so really the missing question is what is happening to our essence that we have forgotten how to be humans ?

I do not have the answer but asking the questions is a start

Thankyou so much for your invite

[Avanthika]

THANK YOU for your suggestion

[raj24]

i liked the theme u have worked.. although i cant suggest on grammatical mistakes i am very bad at it too..:).. as far as this poem is concerned.. u have talked about the issues that our society is facing today and i am glad you decided such a topic to start with.. keep writing and btw u mentioned something like u dont love reading.. well to get better you need to learn from others and for that you should read a lot of work .. not just of people here but also of other authors.. keep writing and thanks for sharing :)

Raj

[Avanthika]

hey thanks buddy , iam trying to improve my reading skills too, its just that am looking for right book to get into my hand, since it will be my first attempt towards reading dont want to get pain in my neck reading a boring story

[E.G. James]

This is beautiful. I don't know what else I can say.

[Avanthika]

Thank you dear, thank you so much :)

[E.G. James]

You're very welcome :-)

[Ashira Macy]

This was a wonderful statement about how your country (and other countries as well) has lost sight of important values. Well done. I do have a few suggestions to help with grammar and spelling, you can choose to take them or leave them.

A girl getting raped,
And the man gets escaped.
The whole seen obtaining videotaped,
with the case taking reshaped.

I feel this would read better:
A girl got raped
While the man escaped
The whole scene obtained, videotaped
with the case being reshaped.

Then -

The poor becomes the poorer
And the rich becomes the richer.
Once who sacrificed their lives for amity,
are now taking the life for enmity.

Might be better:
The poor become the poorer
And the rich become the richer
Ones who sacrificed their lives for amity
are now taking lives for enmity.

Just mild tweaking of some words really. I hope this was helpful and I hope to see more of your work up here soon. It is important for people to make political and social statements such as you did in this work. Thank you for sharing this.

[Avanthika]

Thank you Ashira, that was so nice of you, am really happy about what you said about me. Hope to do better work in the coming days.

[Ashira Macy]

I am excited to see what you come up with my new friend. Welcome to Writers Cafe by the way! =)