Life without you is very tough

Life without you is very tough

A Poem by Avanthika
"

like every mother daughter relation we too had complaints for each other, but then they say it rightly you never know what you have until you loose it and so do i now realize what she was for me.

"
What is the thing she fears,
I saw her eyes full of tears.

What did i do to make you cry?
what do you want me to try?

There is something you must see,
can you live without me?

She let herself meant to die,
saying everyone good-bye.

Everyone says that was the end,
my mom says never bend.

I pray to god,let it be a dream,
but life moves like a narrow stream.

I have to travel a long mile,
the only way to bring your smile.

I traveled the road very rough.
Life without you is very tough,
Life without you is very tough. 

© 2014 Avanthika



Author's Note

Avanthika
if the lines makes you remember of your mom, am rewarded. So , definitely need your opinion.

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Featured Review

well this poem is mix of emotions and splendid story but the feel of the poem is destroyed with the usage of words i feel that the words at some places are squeezed to rhyme like
(I have to travel a long mile,
the only way to bring your smile)
.. try some good set of words to make it more powerful there are lot of set of words just explore and play with it without missing the core of the poem .. enjoyed reading it nice poem :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

well this poem is mix of emotions and splendid story but the feel of the poem is destroyed with the usage of words i feel that the words at some places are squeezed to rhyme like
(I have to travel a long mile,
the only way to bring your smile)
.. try some good set of words to make it more powerful there are lot of set of words just explore and play with it without missing the core of the poem .. enjoyed reading it nice poem :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's very touching and true. We don't come to know the value of someone until we lose them. It's a dark truth about us...
Thank you for sharing...:)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mother is a God gift I believe that. Educated or uneducated she remains all her life a shadow to make sheltered safe under her, she will never let us down as I experienced that's why my bachelor life is awesome. I loved it. Guys pls don't hurt her she may not express it being grown up woman but inside she may crying take notice of it and take care. Love her al the possible way never feel ashamed of it her ways looks a little awkward to modern ways but she means you to be happy that's it.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is good poem, you need a little more editing though. Simple things like making your 'i' an uppercase 'I'. I really liked the phrase 'life moves like a narrow stream'. I don't think you need to repeat the last line though it doesn't fit the pattern of the rest of the poem.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There is a simplicity to these words filled with a deeper meaning. Nice read definitely! You wrote it with a deep emotion and it can be felt. Reminds me, yet again, why I should love my mum :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Avanthika

2 Years Ago

thank you dear, glad you felt its depth :)
Sindu

2 Years Ago

You're welcome
Amazing and very touching poem. The repetition of the last line made it more effective.
I like the style it was written aside from I really love couplets.

Keep it up!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Avanthika

2 Years Ago

thnk you so much frnd:)
Nice poem about the fast relation between mother and daugher beautifully drawn using rhyming words. Nice try. Keep it up...Avanthika...

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M.A.Rathore

3 Years Ago

Plz read some of my poems and provide your kind veiws..Avanthika....
Avanthika

2 Years Ago

sure sir, i will :)
M.A.Rathore

2 Years Ago

Welcome Avantika...Happy Diwali...
wow ! beautifully woven. simple yet the everything about this is striking . a enjoyable soothing piece .

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Avanthika

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much amrit :)
There is something you must see,
can you live without me?
Pierces right through the heart. Spell bound.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Avanthika

3 Years Ago

thank you Rounak :)

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Added on August 22, 2014
Last Updated on August 22, 2014
Tags: mother, daughter, love, life, tears, toughlife

Author

Avanthika
Avanthika

Kochin, Gods own country, India



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Young girl who likes to call herself as a writer, reading is not my kind of thing but "I read to write". My usual is quite unusual. more..

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