Some more thoughts

Ranting again

Let me start by saying, I'm grateful for my life
I love how it is good and blessed and free of sttife
There's nothing i would change, about the way i am now.
My maker is working on me, i want to make him proud.
But there's a few things, i just have to say before I go mad.
Things that can break my heart, and make me deeply sad.
I've never really been one, to have so many friends.
But the ones i have, i hope, i have them till the end.
Unfortunately, it's not so easy, because my mind is so confused.
it's constantly thinking negative thoughts like how i will get used.
This makes me tense and act sporadically insane.
I start to think that they don't care or are tired of my complains
Or maybe they're just done and have tossed me to the side.
Then i decide, please who cares i don't need them in my life
But when i love, i love so hard, it's difficult to take back
The trust and place i gave in my heart. The heart that's now turned black
My dear you think i'm just too much to handle
And it wasn't me who came to you, but it's I who lights your candle
You have no idea the demons i fight, to stay alive everyday.
And yet the best thing you can say is for me to go away.
It hurts like a poisoned dagger, how you could stab my heart.
I always try to give some trust, and take another chance
Though once i decide there's no stopping me, the final word's goodbye.
I'll wish you luck and shed some tears for when you were a friend of mine.
Trust that i won't look back , i'll leave and never return
But i doubt you can find a friend, that'll ever replace my love

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You have a powerful theme here, and deeply moving content that just wrenches the heart. However, in quite a few places, you don't maintain the musicality. (in less that half as many, you don't even maintain the rhyme, but if this is true in any way, as I would suppose it is, then I understand why). This poem is definitely a keeper, and on that I say tweak the musicality, for that's what makes the poem dance and really express the emotion that you've weaved into it.

[Avia]

Thanks for reading. Yes, i wrote this in an upset state and i think that's why the poem is full of raw emotions. I appreciate your critique and i'll see if i can apply it.

[PandaPeaceful]

An incredibly strong and honest poem. I find myself relating to it and I can't help but feel emotional as I read it. Truly amazing work!

[Avia]

That makes me feel glad. Thanks so much

[GwenLark]

So emotional. I really felt it. Amazing

[Avia]

Thank you :)

[Swetha]

I can feel the pain in your words.. Very emotional

[Kate Z.]

I feel your wounds. Betrayal, rejection, loss hurts. The greatest Friend is One you already know. Take that sorrow to him and let him restore your ability to trust.

[Avia]

Thanks for reading , and thank you for the advice

[Avia]

I'm grateful to all the people who read and review my work and encourage me. It means a lot for me to be able to share my writing which is mostly personal, and have people relate and make me feel heard. Sometimes that just makes my day.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love this Avia
It's raw it's open honest true and shows you
For all the world to see with no fear
Of being condemned hurt or picked on
It shows your heart and soul

[Avia]

Thanks Julie. I'm glad you see all that and i'm glad you like the poem :)

[Najam Us Saher]

What an amazing poem filled with emotional meaning and message. I loved the rhyme as well. It is difficult to express what you want to say while maintaining a rhyme, you managed to do that with ease. Keep going.

[Avia]

Thank you Najam. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work. It means a lot.

[Najam Us Saher]

You're most welcome.

[Avia]

I hope the structure is Okay, i was mostly just typing things as i felt them, (though some of it is exaggerated) its basically what i was feeling. I'd like to know your thoughts