Standing On The Edge

More often than I'd like, I find myself here.
Rushing to the tracks, standing on the edge.
Holding that knife, looking with promise
The promise that the world would cease
That the loud voices die and that my mind would freeze
Waiting for the next train to come so i can jump right in
Into the tracks and be crushed like the way this weight crushes me
But no one can see it and I wonder if it's even worth it.
Keeping myself sane, when insanity's calling,
Holding on to life when death's so appealing.


But then I think about the consequence, what happens next
When I pull that trigger, when I jump off that ledge.
There's a million people suffering much more than me, so i stop myself.
Because I know that when I crash, my body stays dead but my soul travels
To the place where my maker sits on a throne in a palace
I dread the question he will ask me.
Why did you do it?
Why did you take what wasn't yours to? Your body the vessel and all I placed in it.
Then I'll see my family mourning, crying over a closed casket
Wondering what was wrong and how did they miss it.
She used to smile, she used to laugh, she was always good and happy
And my heart would break because I never want to hurt them, but i did.
"Depart from me!" the mighty voice would roar.
And I'll be tossed into endless fire for eternity.


So now, as all those thoughts flood my mind, the consequence of my actions
I step back away from the ledge, jump off the tracks, and drop that knife
I should feel blessed to have this life
But I still feel terrible as I fall to my knees and cry.
And cry, and cry, because that's all I can do when my words only lie.
Dear God please see into my heart and save me.
I can't seem to let this go completely, and i need to.
Keep me in your heart and help me keep you in mine.
And give me purpose, so I can live, praising you in everything .

Reviews

[Lin]

What a wonderful poem about something so tragic, and, sadly, kind of relatable? Life can be horrible and there is no good out there for you. But that isn’t true. It might take awhile for it to reveal to you, but it will one day. Just cause you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

[Lias]

This is beautiful .........

[Avia]

Thank you :)

[anonymous_at]

is there anyway, I can tell you how a wonderfully captivating poem of your's is this....and on top of that, I find it giving me a reason to live and not to choose death... thanks for uploading it... :)

[Avia]

I've been meaning to reply to this. Thank you so much for this dear. I really appreciate it.

[anonymous_at]

:).....
Although I was trying to read it again today...To see if I could still find the same positivity I did last time I read it...But I couldn't ....So that makes me more depressed....But forget that...All of works are really good...
Keep working...

[Avia]

What I've learnt is that inspiration is not always renewable. What once made you feel a certain way no longer has that effect. I get that. I just hope to always have that inspiration when I need it. I hope that for you too.

[anonymous_at]

Thanks a lot for ur good wishes!!!

[Amrita]

No words can explain how strong this composition is..Such a deep message it depicts.
Loved it :)

[Avia]

Thanks dear :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I'm glad you sent me this
I like it a lot
you bared your soul your most secret thoughts and fears
this is what writing should be
its also a lesson to be learned or someone to be saved from pulling that trigger from your poem
it shows that you stopped thought and walked away from the ledge you were on
I wish my sister had read this God bless you and he will hear you and help you
as I say I liked this poem for its honesty
we should all be honest
I try to write honestly no bullshit too
take care xx

[Avia]

Thanks a lot and I am glad I wrote this. I find it difficult to express myself to people and it amazes me how I'm able to bare my heart to thousands of people. Thank you for

[Avia]

...for all of your support. It means so much.

[Mavericks]

See, we all go through depressing times a some point in our life. It seems like it's the end, but come on Whenever the Caterpillar had thought it's the end he/she get transformed into a butterfly. See? =) That's how human life is, we never know, how the dots will connect in the future. Our job is to just keep going without losing balance, embracing joys and sorrows as a part of the Script. And, trust me the lessons we learn in testing times is worth the whole life time. It makes you Wise than ever before, and stronger. So, trust your journey. You are given these mountains, so you can rise climb higher and fly like an Eagle. Take all your challenges head on. You know i believe in you!
Your Life Coach. Lol.

[Avia]

Thanks a lot Sid. Always telling me what I need to hear :) my supportive life coach. I do believe our hardest times teach us our most valuable lessons. How is the new year going for you?

[Mavericks]

Well, I am coming out of one transformation too. You are Lock, and you are the key. =). I have set new Goals this year, for Saturn moved to Capricorn. I was such a Free Spirit, still is. But, we gotta have to draw a line somewhere. What about you!? ;)

[Avia]

I have also set goals for myself, I'm looking forward to achieving them and stepping more out of my confort zone. I have faith that this year is going to be awesome. I hope you are able to achieve all your goals and more :)

[Mavericks]

Thank you. I wish the very same to you! Stay Focused. And, yeah, Comfort zone. There is no growth there. So, Be Competitive. And, always watch your thoughts. Time Management, too. Start from short term goals. I want to see you shine! A certain amount of darkness is needed for Stars to shine. Go ahead, and never stop believing in yourself.

[Avia]

Thank you very much for the motivation. I look forward to having a wonderful year and I hope you do too. Take care.

[Najam Us Saher]

Very lovely message, I really liked every emotion and hope expressed in this poem, keep it up.

[Avia]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your constant support and encouragement.

[Najam Us Saher]

No need to mention thanks.

[Avia]

I know the last stanza is a bit wonky, I'll fix it later.