Bite Marks (1)

Bite Marks (1)

A Poem by Azriel

This dreadful forever accumulating air, stifles us slowly
As we trudge through these desolate pews and broken isles
Filled with dreadful creatures and dark monsters,
That would haunt your favorite nightmares;
They appear, not in the literal sense

But now with masks and a new flesh on

To shroud their worlds of lies.

They speak in tongues of fire, yet not to our Father, 
But to the other monsters, scarecrows and each other

To see who has gotten the best at it.
They abandon every word you say,

In hopes that their fancy words

And good intentions can buy their ticket into the afterlife.
These unholy clouds block us consistently,

Dismantling our view of promised lands

And though we struggle,

We are promised to make it past this desert one day; 

Hopefully soon, before my mask starts peeling off as well.

 

© 2013 Azriel


Author's Note

Azriel
part one of two... based of a rather specific story...

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Reviews

Great descriptions.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Not much to say but: hauntingly beautiful. Love it! I can't wait to read part 2.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thank you tamia, hopefully i'll post it later today.
This is a creative and introspective piece. I like the last line. We all wallow in wickedness and sometimes we hide in it to be unseen. It doesn't mean we are wicked but we try to skirt the fringes of life to survive till the dawn.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thanks a lot eddie, and yep i wholeheartedly agree with that.
This is a nice piece Azriel,
I can't say for sure but it gave me the vague feeling of a church in it's beginning. It is well written for sure. There feels to be much anguish within your piece. I like it.
Thanks for the read request.
Sincerely
Christopher

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thank you, and yes the context of this piece is rooted in a situation involving a church, so i inten.. read more
unsavable_soul

10 Years Ago

Captain Obvious at your service. One has to accept "that with great power comes great responsibility.. read more
Azriel

10 Years Ago

haha no worries.
A very good poem... I do like it...Thank you for sharing...:)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thank you sami, i appreciate your kind words...
Sami Khalil

10 Years Ago

You are welcome...:)
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.
~ wow... okay... first stanza... very compelling... you establish the existence of deceit in a place where people congregate... a place that has pews and aisles... and no, i won't say the word... for such a place... :P ~ "dismantling our view" is a brilliant expression and a powerful image... you narrowed down their weapons to "fancy words" and "good intentions" very skillfully... and the harm caused in the expression "these unholy clouds block us consistently"... ~ the last stanza... is somewhat eerie... one wonders why the narrator is masked even though the narrator can see through the lies... ~ excellent work... can't wait to read part 2...

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thanks a lot serah, im glad you liked it... and as it is an account of a past experience now i'm abl.. read more
.

10 Years Ago

~ you're very welcome... and thank you for sharing your notes about how the narrator was wearing a d.. read more
Azriel

10 Years Ago

no problem :)
My, my, my, I'm smiling because this is a very nice write. I feel I know exactly what you are talking about. Almost a continuation of your earlier works. I can't wait for part two. Please post soon.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thanks a lot robin and yes it could be said this is a continuation of some of my earlier stuff.
Robin

10 Years Ago

Then very nicely done. Now, I am quite certain I know exactly what you are talking about. HypocrIsy .. read more
Azriel

10 Years Ago

yep that's exactly it.
deep and thought provoking,
nicely done

Posted 10 Years Ago


Azriel

10 Years Ago

thank you

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431 Views
8 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on April 24, 2013
Last Updated on April 24, 2013
Tags: religion, god, metaphor, bite marks, bite, wounds, past, love, love loss, life, death, bitter, sad, angry, poem, poetry

Author

Azriel
Azriel

Port of Spain, Trinidad and Tobago



About
18. i'm new to sharing my works and for the longest while was uncomfortable doing so. but that's changing, so i look forward to the responses i get. the majority of the stuff i post on here will .. more..

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