Untitled

This is my first poem that I've written in years. My writing may not be so strong and my poem may not be the best, but I'll eventually get there.

One minute you know he's alive

the next minute you know he's on the floor, waiting to be revived

How could you?

You who shall not be named did the unthinkable

You tore his life up like a human ripping and stomping on rib cages

You were at the scene 

You know what you did

You think you're going to get away with it

But I know what you did

I will expose your wrongdoing

I will ensure that you never fall asleep

I will be the nightmare that you fear

I will be the one who breaks in

I will barge into your room and suffocate you to death

I would've turned you in, but

justice is a blindfolded b***h

And no one likes a b***h.

Author's Note

Any thoughts?

Reviews

[FloatingMoth]

Love the way you can feel emotion from the words. Wonderfully written and very well constructed. It sounds like a very personal piece and whether it is or not doesnt take away from how strongly you were able to portray it in such a way. Really great work, hope to see more like this! :)

[Poeticsecrets16]

Aww thank you so much!! :)

[Gabriel]

I loved how the wrongdoer was not named. It makes it more relatable to your audience i feel. We all know someone who has betrayed us, and one who had done us dirty, so thank you for giving us the chance to put our own name, and face to your beautiful poem. Powerful, and well written i felt.

[Great Aunt Astri]

oooooo, what powerful emotion! I like the way one stanza begins with all 'you's and the next with all 'I's. Not very conventional, but to me, you show the makings of a real poet.

[Poeticsecrets16]

Thank you for going into detail about my poem. I appreciate that! :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

I look forward to reading more.

[FJ Davis]

Powerful and, certainly, dramatic.
You appear to have some "screenwriter" in you, A.
Write on!

[Poeticsecrets16]

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you!

[wordman]

well,it is direct and to the point,and well written

[Poeticsecrets16]

Thank you!

[wordman]

my pleasure