Story Opening

Just the start of a story in which I hope will become quite popular in the distant future - so watch this space!

Thud, thud, thud. A scream. Silence.

I awoke in panic, unsure whether or not to remain rooted on the all-too familiar wooden floor of ‘our’ home or to courageously drag myself back onto my feet. I was shivering violently (of fear perhaps) as his ice cold eyes penetrated me, the eyes that I adored when they swam with kindness, the only remaining form of evidence that that kind man was still somewhere deep inside of him.

I don’t understand why he ‘loves’ me; I’m helpless, pathetic and vulnerable, and also stupid, so very, very stupid for angering him despite being well aware of his temper issues. This is my own fault. I deserve this.

I groaned gently before daring to reluctantly force my bruised eyes open as I glanced upwards as he cast his shadow over me and my worthless life; the darkness of it suffocating me. Terrified like a rabbit in the headlight I flinched and braced myself whilst he towered me almost...protectively? Oh how ironic!

Like a hungry wolf guarding over his freshly murdered calf. He was The Big Bad Wolf; a character in which I could only dream was still fictional.

The heavenly gift of adrenaline from the fight that I clearly lost faded as it smugly opened the gateway of hell to allow the pain to seep in " both physically and mentally as I wept weakly as per usual. The cruel world was yet again a blur (as out of control as my relationship…almost) through my gushing tears that flooded my face as I longed to be unconscious again; to close my eyes permanently to this life as nothing more than his ‘perfect princess’. No! Why am I thinking like this? How hard did I hit my head this time? I didn’t want to ever leave him alone in this world, however my accidental murder was eventually bound to be inevitable if I remain trapped. I had two options " I could have either have met the same tragic end as the innocent calf whom didn’t stand a chance or fall down with dignity fighting like an ox. Pffttt, no…that wasn’t even an option as all trace of dignity abandoned me the moment I realized it was impossible for me to leave this cruel man. Impossible not only because he didn’t allow me to but because I loved him and a part of me yearned for his affectionate side I missed so dearly, the part of me that yearned for those rare moments when he touched me without the intention of causing harm.

What a cruel man, what a cruel fate, what a cruel, cruel, cruel world.

© 2012 paige twentySEVEN!

Author's Note

Please be as harsh as possible as I really want to improve it and so need to hear what you truly think!

My Review

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Reviews

Con O'Clast

Wow, lots of potential here!

You seem to be instinctively good at this sort of winding, stream of consciousness delivery. Some of the most powerful bits, 'I don't understand why he 'loves' me, I'm helpless, I'm pathetic,' practically had me physically wincing. It's tough to read in the best way, very absorbing.

I will say to watch your sentences! This is something that comes with practice, some of your sentences need to be broken up with more punctuation or reworded, like 'both physically and mentally as I wept weakly as per usual' and 'that wasn’t even an option as all trace of dignity abandoned me the moment I realized it was impossible for me to leave this cruel man' are fairly awkward to read. The content is fine but they could be tidied up a bit.

All in all there's a lot of talent here!