Awaken

 

Awaken

 

To touch, to feel,

to gently glide

my fingers along

the contours of your heart,

through sacristy chambers

where droplets of fresh love

christen our journey.

 

We dance before

the alter of our souls,  

our whisper heard,

 as each word lingers

through the cavern

echoing in our mind.

 

Our love has awakened

from the depths

of hollow ground

and now,

in the shadows of old,

are the remnants

that escape,

invading the world

with a love so true

 

 

 

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think you mean "cavern" where you have "carven". "Awaken" should be past tense or "awakened", "escapes" should be singular or "escape". These were the only technical errors I found here. Now, as to the content? This was fabulously written and a really beautiful piece of poetry. It rivals any love poem by any great poet I have ever read. It is spiritual in its tone with religious overtures of love, sacrifice, worship and a sense of the sacred and holy. It is about rebirth and resurrection within the context of love, a great Easter love poem. Very good work.

[Emmie]

We dance before the alter of our souls, our whisper heard, as each word lingers through the cavern echoing in our mind
-----
This is my favorite stanza. I like how you described how the words echo. Hmm.. it's like you pull ideas out of a hat. I can't even pull out a rabbit :) lol

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. truly an awakening of spirit with the love of 2 coming from hollow grounds.. loved this very much.. funny how light can shine through the dark even in the worst of times! Love your ending stanza:

Our love has awakenedfrom the depths of hollow ground and now,in the shadows of old,are the remnants that escape, invading the worldwith a love so true

True love is something that can not be touched or taken.. never truly forgotten .. merely dims over time.. but those we love are always shared in our hearts.. thank you for sharing!!! =)

[Jessica Fox]

What a pretty poem and the errors one can overlook them.

[purplepenguin9]

So gorgeous, I love the imagery that just flows throughout the poem.
A few technical errors: I believe "were" in the first stanza should be "where", and "is the remnants" should be "are the remnants" or "is the remnant".
Other than that, I loved it, it was beautiful.

[deeps]

This is so beautiful and sincere, such a lovely write Ralphy.