"Yay! Your Eyes Look Like Space"

An educational children's adventure (nutrition and the solar system) how magic fruits can take you on exciting adventures through space!

Yay! Your Eyes Look Like Space!"


The two children cried gleefully through the forest.
Gazing up at the skies from a tree.

One said to the other cheerfully.
"When your eyes resemble Saturn, your free."

They munched a tangerine and danced
They fell in some sort of trance.

They gladly pranced around, but then one fell down.
Among the stars is where he ended up next.

He sat floating through space.
To his left there was a Jupiter race.

Made up of green Martians,
Oh the fun hasn't started
Until we've made it to Saturn.

We soon lost track of time.
"Oh weren't you exciting to find!"
Said a jolly wise man, with coat covered hands, three eyes and a head as a mango.

His name was Carl as I soon found out.
He's the rings of Saturn and through space he'd travel about.

The consultant of mystery,
he and his best friend Ernie
both have eyes resembling
Saturn.

The two strived to be like them.
Carl and Ernie, completely enlightened.

What they soon found out,
a startling bout.
That the tangerine taste was gone from their mouth.

With that they crashed out of space.
Like an asteroid. "Oh, so close only a planet away!"

From jolly old Saturn,
"Oh don't be sad friend,
just have a handful of blueberries!"

The fruit will take you past Jupiter.
Way far out of this galaxy.

I'm speaking of Pluto,
and didn't you know.
If this doesn't work how sad I'll be.

With the help from Carl and Enrie....
"When your eyes resemble Saturn, your free!"

They all yelled to me,
as I ate the blueberries
and soon I found life on Pluto.

Now this planet was much further than Carl.
Beyond his Saturn rings.

Here soon after,
I heard a great clatter.
As the stars began to sing.

I looked up from Pluto,
and wouldn't you know
How happy and joyful that is to me.

I danced and laughed
and rode aboard Carl's
colorful rings of Saturn.

"Everything is space! Isn't it great!
I hope everyday resembles today!"

Yelled Carl and Ernie
smiling straight at me.
I turned and kissed them both.

Carl tasted like mangos
Ernie tasted like pomegranate.

With the tastes all combined,
guess what you'll find?
Oh yes, your eyes turning into space!

Reviews

[Njeri Brooks]

Hhhmmm.... I can most definitely say that this was challenging for me to analyze.

My interpretation:

I had to read the beginning twice before I came to the conclusion that the mc (main character) was out late at night in the woods taking drugs and getting high with a friend.

This poem goes into a great depiction of his "adventures through space" starting with the mc's experiment with the drug 'Tangerine".

The Tangerine made the mc's eyes dilate as his eyes "resembled Saturn". This metaphoric dilation of the eyes made the audience understand the mc is high.

That's when they meet Carl and Ernie, both of whom are also high.

By saying "through space [Carl'd] travel about", you imply that he and his companion are experienced with finding new drugs that can take him "far out" (higher).

Thus, the mc and his friend automatically look toward them for guidance to a new high.

When the mc and his friend "crashed out of space" (came down from their high), it was so awful that they were easily talked into taking the "Blueberries", which would take them not just Saturn but "out of this galaxy."

The mc then expresses how disappointed and "sad" he'll be if it doesn't take him to "Pluto". However, once he takes it, he's immediately lost in his blazed induced hallucination.

He's so blazed that he doesn't realize how Carl and Ernie have talked him into staying that way in the line that says "Everything is space...resembles today."

From that line alone, it was obvious that Carl and Ernie are just basic drug dealers trying to make a quick buck by turning the mc into a loyal customer.

The mc continues to ride "Carl's colorful rings of Saturn" and even goes further along with them by immediately taking more drugs (mango and pomegranate) from them.

By sampling and mixing all of those "tastes" (aka drugs), the mc obtains a high he wishes to never relinquish.

The ending restates the beginning in a more sarcastic tone by phrasing the last stanza into a question and responding with "Oh yes,...space!"


Tell me if my interpretation was correct or not.


Critics:
There weren't many this time....
1. The part where you wrote "three eyes and a head as a mango" was confusing to me. Did you mean to say "three eyes and a mango as a head"?

Good things:

I LOVED how you used an extended metaphor to depict getting stoned. "When your eyes resemble Saturn, your free" was the second line that started off the extended metaphor, but you circled back around to the eyes looking like "space" simile.

To me, this circular flow of writing made the story feel complete.

In addition to this, I know who your best friend is. His name is... Proof Reading!!!

I CAN'T thank you enough for having no mistakes that jumped out at me. For me, personally, mistakes in grammar take away from the enjoyment of the story.

With that being said, I couldn't really relate to the mc due to his addiction for a blazed sensation, but I could most definitely relate to the mc's desire to numb out from the pain.

(However, my version of numbing out doesn't exactly entail getting high, but that's just me. lol)

Overall, I really liked this story because I had to dig through all of the symbolism to really understand its pieces.

You did an excellent job with making this poem flow well from one event to the next, but you left it "trippy" enough to really give it a concrete psychedelic atmosphere.

Also, the tone was happy go lucky in contrast to the true meaning of this story.

This was a great poem, and I would honestly like to see more writing from you.

P.S. If you couldn't tell from my review, I really do like to "analyze" and "digest" what I read, so PLEASE don't forget to tell me if my interpretation was wrong even in the slightest bit.