Slave

A slave

And yet so loyal,

Bound by my own thoughts

Chained tightly

To broken dreams

 

With a chaotic life

I must live with such torture

Working hard for nothing

No gold, or wishes granted

 

Lost in a sea of despair

Like a Cinderella tale

In the dark corners of my mind

Stuck between souls

 

No sympathy, nor care

Seeing no pain within these eyes

A world of loneliness and betrayal

Kept hidden within my heart

 

Forcibly trying

To escape these bonds

That embrace me

In fear

 

To run freely

And hold freedom

In a tight embrace

With a life of justice

 

Reviews

[Y.F.]

This poem is so beautiful, and can be interpreted in so many ways
The captive, the slave, the cage - they can all be seen as different things and concepts.
We all have our own personal prison we're trying to run away from.
I've really enjoyed the imagery, and combined with wonder flow, this poem has led me into far away places within my mind (literally.. :)).
Definitely one of your best.

[D Poet K]

I knew I shouldnt have made a contest lol, its gonna be so hard to choose especially since there's so many good poems I've read so far and its only the second day that its been up...this was absolutely wonderful

[Morgan Ashire]

A deep piece, obviously written for yourself in my opinion. I'm having a bit of trouble fingering something out, but it seems a bit.... ...sketchy in some places. The emotional response isn't as strong as it could be, but other than that, I find no fault with the piece.

[These Haunted Hallways]

WoW! Now that was really good!! Yea, it is tuff when ur bound from yourself. Ur like held captive, and u just cant break free from these chains that pull u into itself. It's hard, i know. I really enjoyed this piece. I can relate to it a lot.

B.A.

[Collette]

There are so many layers within this piece, I don't even know where to begin...
the physical ties of a relationship, the mental ties of depression, the cage that is life, seriously, I could probably keep pulling different meanings from this. Truly, you've displayed your talent in such an obvious way, there isn't much I can say about editing this. To change or take away from it would only hurt the delivery of this piece. Therefore, I hope you are satisfied with me simply saying that this piece is wonderful as-is. I would love to hear it spoken aloud; the verbalization would only add to the emotional appeal of this piece. Thanks for sharing!

[Raef C. Boylan]

Great use of imprisonment imagery to convey the concept of the narrator being a slave to their own mind; you've maintained this analogy throughout the piece.
I liked the layout - without being tightly structured, you've kept the poem neat and the rhythm working, even without much rhyme.

"Lost in a sea of despair
Like a Cinderella tale" - good, original simile.

I like how at the end, you flip the idea of being retrained, of the bonds "that embrace" by looking at how it's possible to "hold freedom//In a tight embrace".

Overall, a decent write, making use of images and language to paint the situation for the readers.

[Jane Doe]

Wow! Amazing writing! I can especially relate to these lines...

'Lost in a sea of despair

Like a Cinderella tale

In the dark corners of my mind

Stuck between souls'

So very well written!

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A very wonderfully written pece, so much in your words. There are many bonds that keep us trapped but only the individual know what they are to each of them. A Great write!

[JC Fox]

I liked this, this piece was very powerful

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Wow this is so good i think.. i like the title and the first verse so says so much about that .. slavesof our own making ..

Chloe
xoxo

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

Loved this. You are an awesome writer, BT!