Faded Dreams

Thoughts.

 

Black clouds

Appear overhead

Changing into vast,

Shapeless forms.

Colliding,

Into endless wicked storms.

Dreams fade

Into the misty clouds

With celestial beings

Clawing inside my head.

Nightmares come alive,

No serenity instead.

The hands of time

Move slowly,

And the days begin to pass

I hide in the stillness of the night,

While flying on poetic serpants

Muses in full flight.

I crave for passion and love

In the bittersweet nature of humanity.

All I see,

Is hurt and pain

In a river of agony

Flowing in bloody red rain.

I cry silently under the moonlight,

As dreams drift away

Vanishing into eternity

Fading away without a trace

As I wander inside my mind

What was here in this dark space.

Reviews

[Collette]

This is a nice write. I really think you have the ideas and emotions to have a solid piece, with a little tweaking.
My favorite lines have to be:
I crave for passion and love
In the bittersweet nature of humanity
All I see,
Is hurt and pain
In a river of agony

The flow fits perfectly, and the imagery is solid. Human nature can be quite the brute, eh?

My overall view of the poem stands thus:
like I mentioned before, the ideas and emotions are there.
Some of the lines in this poem are extremely clever, however they seem to get lost in the rest of the piece. There are points in the poem where the rhyme scheme gets overly forced, such as:

With celestial beings
Clawing inside my head
Nightmares come alive
No serenity instead
The hands of time
Move slowly

For some reason, it just disrupts the entire flow of the piece. (At least for me...)
Thank you for sharing you work, and I hope my opinion helped a bit...
either way, the talent is there.
practice will undoubtedly bring it full circle, and you could definitely be one of the stronger poets I've encountered.

[Michael X]

rayne, this is an exceptional expression in its raw, natural intent, and the way your words gracefully
define faded dreams, those dreams lost to time, your words speak on many levels and i feel this vision truly comes full circle, the imagery is completely original, i could qote many favorite lines, like this one,
With celestial beings

Clawing inside my head

Nightmares come alive

No serenity instead

The hands of time

Move slowly,

i particularly lime the way this image came togther with the flow,
the meaning brishes an image of an emotional black hole consuming
everything that succumbs to its pull, i really enjoyed the eternal
aspect, insightful, passionate, forboding, celestial, desirous, beautifully done.

[Robert Luna]

In moments of madness a truth realized
I am the embodiment of all there is
and all that will be
Freedom is not meant for me
I am a writer and insanity holds the key
to all I am every going to be.

Something that popped into my head as I read this wonderful piece. The depths in which this piece cause me to dwell is wonderful and I love it because of that fact. Truly stunning work here.


Great Job!!!!!!!

[Trisha]

WOW! Your word choice is outstanding. The message is clear and beautifully created. Your words weave a passionately dark tale that I found breath taking.

[PhoeniX]

so deep and dark. this is an awesome piece. it took me into a world of nothing but dark surroundings. i felt a struggle of sanity. great job!

[Fran Marie]

hide in the stillness of the night

While flying on poetic serpants

Muses in full flight

A deep and dark write so beautifully penned and expressed~THanks for sharing~Fran

[E. M. Murren]

Really dark thoughts exquisitely offered... to the point of making beauty out of pain. So gracefully presented. Many cheers.

[Spoken]

very sad and your words project that deep feeling so well. Excellent pen my friend

[THERISA]

A very sad and moving poem. Wonder, if the constant rainy weather is being reflected in your poetry, in the usage of imagery here. Which you masterly use. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Therisa

[JC Fox]

nice, now I had a senior moment because I was going to add more to the review but forgot. Great poem, oh and I thought it said Field of Dreams....

[Jenny Davis]

This is a very in-depth piece, my favorite line was:
"Flowing in bloody red rain"....a great image and creative.

Very nicely written :)