Aurora

it's a bit gothic

Every breathe of life counts

every struggle to survive in those days

darkness surrounded the world with clouds

enormous, vicious clouds of shade

"succumb to misery my little children

my poor, wreched, suffering slaves''

hissed the darkness throughout space

and death came swiftly hovering

over this eternal night of hate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A single candle burns with light

trying hard not to fade

facing it sat i, gazing at the only flame

watching it grow bigger in mind

rising higher to the sky in a race

like a sun all over the horizon shines

erasing the dark, allowing dawn to break

for this very thought my heart aches

knowing it is only an image in my brain

knowing that this terror is never to end

~~~

so i lie with eyes wide open

waiting for them to close my grave

listening to the sweet melancholy

that in my heart consistantly plays

willingly givin in to the everlasting sleep

that with kisses shall fill my cheeks

 and forever shall my soul embrace

Author's Note

its my first poem, so cut me a slack k?

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

It's not a "bit" Gothic. It IS Gothic!! It's gorgeous, romantic, and very sensual to both the senses of touch and sound. "kisses shall fill my cheeks".... LOVE that!! I don't know if this makes sense to you, but I felt like you were playing the role of Superman where he took his girlfriend on a date through the clouds for a spin, and they had the greatest of time together. I flew through rainbows with you, rode in on the lightning that showed up at one point, and yet my beautiful company tells of tales where she is to remain on the ground only taking NOTICE of these things. This was powerful and I know I am bias to part of your work where I spring to life when I hear such dramatic wonderment, wanting to be in those arms selfishly, and wishing the pain away by poem's end that has this tragic downward spiral I wasn't ready for. I am STILL not ready for it. I wanted to pull you out of the ground sooo badly, Aurora!! Maybe, it's my emotions today in letters with with you, but for a first poem... this was an amazing reality check on just how gorgeous you allow for me to dream such sweet tones of peace. Even if the end of the poem brings me to you, graveside... I don't like this. I don't like you in any grave. I don't know what to do to pull you out of there, but imagine the hardest that this is all just make-believe!! Having a space above and below your poem would make this one and others by you, stand out and showcase another one of your beautiful poems. I Love You in this poem, Aurora... through the dark AND the light!!

xoxoxoxo -Your Mark

[Salar Majak]

thanks Mark :)
i love your reveiws and i wait for them, through dark and light ha? i love you too dear friend
xoxoxoxoxo Aurora

[Patrick Henry]

It was fun reading your older ones first and will return in the latter hours of the day to read you with easier light and with something sweet to suck on. I like sucking on sweet things like candy and of the like whilst I read your beautiful poems and letters. : ) xoxo -Your Mark

[Salar Majak]

lol, thanks Mark :) looking forward for more things from you

xoxox
Aurora

[Patrick Henry]

Always.... since our day one!! xoxo -Mark

[amarlaksh]

aww sal.. its shows the condition that u are into .. so nicely u have done it .. excellent piece :)

[Salar Majak]

:)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This starts and then drags a bit... but comes back into form... I would revised and have a take at this again.. with a tune up this will be... a fine verse... Noticed a few lines needing done... Let's go with the first:

Every breathe of life counts
Every breath of life counts...

Thanks for sharing...

[Salar Majak]

:) thanks a lot for correcting it XD i had no idea i wrote it like that
i'm glad you took the time to read and comment :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

No problem... a simple error... breathe or breath... your or you're... easily missed... when you're writing and putting thoughts to paper or screen... will look at more of your work... Have a good day...

[An owl on the moon]

Your first poem? Oh, it is filled with vivid imagery that takes us into the dark night of the soul... the hungering place that yearns for life and light, yet swims dreamish in your recollections. Such a powerful inward journey!

[Salar Majak]

thanks a lot for your kind words that brings the smile to my face, i'm glad you like the poem

[Salar Majak]

thanks a lot for your kind words that brings the smile to my face, i'm glad you like the poem

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is very good. I like the many strong statements in the poem.
"Every breathe of life counts"
Every life does matter. One light of life is the possibility of being the light to show us the way to peace and calm. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Salar Majak]

thank you, i'm really glad you liked it

[quinfinn]

no way this is your first...unless you are just utterly brilliant. very good!

[Salar Majak]

i swear it's my first :), thanks though i'm glad you like it

[Phillitup]

Despite your view on this piece of writing, it's amazing.

:)

[Salar Majak]

thanks :)

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

Indeed rather good poem for first trot out. You used the slant rhyme pretty well throughout the piece... I have mixed feelings about the end... Its so sad and like a previous reviewer commented "like the last hope being snuffed out" so does that stanza follow suit. I guess the last line, by that time the reader has gotten into a rhythm, is so abrupt that it truly jars and follows that extinguishing motif of the candle that at least I was truly left wanting more, the cycle to be completed and saddened by the tale's sudden end. Yet it fits.

Again well done for first write.

Suggestion...play around with punctuation a bit...that may give the piece a different twist.

Look forward to reading more

LW

[Salar Majak]

thanks very much :) i'll work out on punctuation

[Imagine Blade]

It really piques your interest once you keep reading.

Great work for a 1st poem!

It's imaginative and intriguing that it mixes the theme of light and dark, hope and depression together. Words have a good chemistry and nothing was forced. It's emotional that you can really understand and feel what the writer was feeling when this was written.

The layout is also very comfortable to the eyes of the reader. It's nice that you separated parts of the poem which seemed to cut where the theme of the poem changes. You should try to experiment using different font styles and layouts so that you can get that "feeling" when you're writing a particular poem!

Great job!

[Salar Majak]

Thanks so much, :) i'm really glad you liked it :)

[Sid]

This is outstanding for your first poem, actually it's great anyways, first write or not. A sad ending as that last shred of hope is extinguished, dark and intriguing. great work!!