Scars

Scars

A Poem by Behind blue eyes
"

Just dumping some thoughts

"
Look in from the outside,
What do you see?
Smiles and laughter,
But do you see me?

For I hide a story,
of sorrow and pain,
a heart that is scarred
and full of disdain


Behind my blue eyes,
my heart tells a story,
of heart ache and sorrow,
Its not one of glory. 

On the outside I smile,
I have a good life,
Children, a husband, 
But behind that is strife.

The life i've build up
through blood, sweat and tears
after being knocked down
for all of those years

My mind, now a battle ground 
between present and past
Bruises will fade 
but emotional scars last











© 2017 Behind blue eyes



Author's Note

Behind blue eyes
just a rough mind dump written in 5 mins while the kids watch tv. will go over it and play with it when I have some time so any advice welcome

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Featured Review

Reviewing it and taking the time to play with it would be highly advisable for this. For it's not at all bad for a poem written in simply 5 minutes. Not bad at all. One note would be Stanza 3 reads exactly as Stanza 2 (with respect to what it's saying; the ideas it conveys). The last line of Stanza 4 kind of reiterates the same idea also, but in this case it's passable, but I would still suggest a revision here. Stanza 6 has a bit of musicality issues. Given it's the only stanza with such issues, 3 out of 4 of its lines having one syllable too many to satisfy the musicality is actually not bad. Now one syllable too many isn't bad either. Depending on how you read it, those syllables might not he noticed, however, after 5 stanzas of relatively smooth rhythm and musicality, I can almost guarantee the ear would pick up those extra syllables. Great start!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Behind blue eyes

5 Months Ago

thank you this is really helpful. I did think it was a bit repetitive myself so was thinking of remo.. read more



Reviews

Wow..... It's really beautiful and so true! The words you've chosen are just so mature, and I really admired it! A beautiful write, indeed!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Behind blue eyes

5 Months Ago

thanks you x
Anjali

5 Months Ago

You are welcome!
Reviewing it and taking the time to play with it would be highly advisable for this. For it's not at all bad for a poem written in simply 5 minutes. Not bad at all. One note would be Stanza 3 reads exactly as Stanza 2 (with respect to what it's saying; the ideas it conveys). The last line of Stanza 4 kind of reiterates the same idea also, but in this case it's passable, but I would still suggest a revision here. Stanza 6 has a bit of musicality issues. Given it's the only stanza with such issues, 3 out of 4 of its lines having one syllable too many to satisfy the musicality is actually not bad. Now one syllable too many isn't bad either. Depending on how you read it, those syllables might not he noticed, however, after 5 stanzas of relatively smooth rhythm and musicality, I can almost guarantee the ear would pick up those extra syllables. Great start!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Behind blue eyes

5 Months Ago

thank you this is really helpful. I did think it was a bit repetitive myself so was thinking of remo.. read more
Writing is a brilliant way to release stress and emotions. It was one of the only things that kept me going after my mom and grandma died 2 months apart. I think this is great, especially with how fast you wrote it. :)

~Luna

Posted 5 Months Ago


Hey, rough mind dump maybe but the words fell in a cracking little pile & with no random or unexpected rough bits to jar the reader along his or her way. I am also thrilled to have been the first......All Good Things, N

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Behind blue eyes

5 Months Ago

thanks! im not sure about the end so might have a play with it when I get chance. thanks for your lo.. read more
Neville Pettitt

5 Months Ago

My pleasure entirely & please do keep writing....

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4 Reviews
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Added on July 7, 2017
Last Updated on July 7, 2017
Tags: domestic abuse, abuse, pain, sadness

Author

Behind blue eyes
Behind blue eyes

United Kingdom



About
It's been a long time since I have written, and even longer since I dared to put anything I have written out there for other people to read. A lot of my writing is my way of working through my thought.. more..

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