The Sky, It Cries

Listen to the tears of the rain and change who you are. Maybe then the sky will stop crying.

The sky, it cries.

It’s tears drop like flies.

Coming down as rain.

Feel it’s tearful pain.

In the winter it cries from cold.

It’s teary story is told.

In the summer it cries from heat.

Causing floods in the street.

I tell you it’s tears are mine.

They streak my face in a line.

What I tell you is not a lie.

I tell you, I am the sky.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, but what do you think? I tried to keep this one kid friendly but still put out thee message that we are polluting the air.

Reviews

[Robin Saxon]

This is a good piece, the opening line 'The sky it cries is very strong, grabs your attention straight away from there you are held in place until the second last line and then it slips.
The last line to me is wrong. I think the analogy would have worked better if you had repeated the first line as the last and let people work out the meaning for themselves.
I enjoyed 'The blackest night' and 'Listen' both good pieces.
This is not a criticism of your work, just my opinion, which is worth as much or as little as you want it too. Although in light of your statement on 'Look around' if you are asking people to comment on your poems, then you should ask them to be truthful rather than nice. The truth hurts sometimes, but helps us become better writers.

[Jacob Baum]

The thing is... I have Bipolar Disorder and I take things to heart a lot more than I should... When I was 13 it got so bad I had thoughts of suicide... I started to write poems and now it has gotten better. Some of these poems are from now and some I will post are from last year or the year before. I wanted to share this to get my point across.