Chapter 1. Taken

Her mother is taken from her and she has to go to her dad who has a few plans up his sleeve.

 

             Taken

My name is Devania, I am the daughter of Hell, I know crazy right? Wrong. Hell is a person the one that rules over Hades, yea they had the names mixed up. My mother was Ivani, I look just like her. My father never really paid any attention to me until I started to look like her. Every one swore up and down that I was a reincarnation of her.

            I was five years old, playing out in a field with my mother, Ivani. The wind ruffled my hair as it began to pick up everything went silent, not even a birds chirp could be heard miles away. That’s when a sense of dread over whelmed me for the first time in my life. My mom was standing at my side checking to see if I was okay. “I’m alright, it’s ju-“ I was interrupted by what sounded like thunder. I turned around and was stunned as to what I seen, a thousand soldiers dressed in pure white and gold.“Mommy?” I screamed being pushed and shoved by them. “Devania!” My mom gasped trying to protect me from the soldiers. “No, mommy, Your going to get hurt.” I cried. She lunged for me taking me in her thin fragile arms. I cried into her chest as I watched the soldiers circle around us.

            "Mommy, who are these people?" I asked looking around."I don't know Baby." She held me closer to her looking around. I felt hands wrap around my arms that yanked me from my mother throwing me into a tree. "Mommy?" I whimpered. "I'm alright honey, go to your father!" I heard her yell before one of the guys struck her with a staff. "Mommy!" I screamed as they put on metal bindings making my mother scream. "Purified Bindings always work." One of the men said. I heard her skin start sizzling from the purification on the bindings.

            "I'm alright, Devania, go to your father now, and don't come looking for me." She hissed trying to turn around to see me but was struck again by one of the men in the uniforms.

            I ran As fast as my small scanty feet could take me, tears fell from my eyes as I grieved the loss of my mother. I fell to the ground beating on it waiting for it to sound like a trapped door was under where she was at. Where is the trapped door? I asked myself looking around under the leaves. Oh, yea i forgot! It's under the blue Oak tree. I remembered running over to the other side of the river looking for the blue Oak tree.

            I looked around and stopped at a Green Oak tree. Maybe It was supposed to be a green Oak tree. I tilted my head to the side and bent down knocking on the leafy ground waiting to hear the knock of wood on the ground.

            When I found it I swung it open quickly barely missing my forehead. I climbed down the ladder and barreled through the tunnels looking for Hell. "Father!" I yelled looking around desperately to find him. "Daddy!" I screamed at the top of my lungs hoping he could hear. The tunnels started rumbling and cracking as rocks started to fall. I yelped out in pain as one hit the back of my shoulder.

             I started coming around a corner when I seen my father with our usual demons, but when I looked closely one of them wasn't a demon at all, he was a human, but not a human in its body, a humans soul. I watched curiously as I heard my dad say "For the treason's thou have committed thou Shall be ripped to pieces for all eternity." I looked at the man as a look of terror fell over his face.

            The man was staring at me and the last thing I seen the man do was shake his head and start crying before he was ripped to pieces over and over again.

I muffled a scream and hid behind the corner whimpering silently. Hell walked around the corner not even noticing me I stayed quiet until he walked past and watched him walk into his throne room.

            I bounded for the room as he entered. He sat down and I leaped into his lap whimpering and crying. "Daddy, mommy was taken by the men in Gold and White shiny armor." I cried as tears fell onto his black clothing. "What?" He asked almost like a hiss. "We were playing in the field and the men came and took her away into the forest somewhere." I whimpered as my wrists and my back started stinging. I screamed out in pain as my dad looked at me confused. "I-It stings." I whimpered placing my hand on my back looking at my wrist on the other hand as I watched blood start dripping from opening wounds. "Daddy?" I asked crying. "What's happening?" I added.

             "You are bound to your mother, you feel her pain, and the wounds show up on your body." He sounded as if he was surprised.

"What does that mean?" I questioned looking at my bloody hand. "It means, you are exactly like your mother in every way, your soul is pure just as hers is." He stroked my cheek. "Then why are we in hell daddy?" I asked. "Because, your mother and I fell in love but, I didn't want her to know that I was Hell, and that I controlled the seven cities of Hades." He replied leaning back in his thrown. "Daddy? It hurts." I whimpered pulling up the back of my shirt and showing him my wrists. "I'll take care of it for you, Devania." He placed his palm on top of mine and fire engulfed me like a thin layer of mud. I looked down at my wrists and noticed the wounds were gone.

"Daddy?" I looked over at him. "What is it?" He asked lifting his chin. "Can you teach me to do that?" I giggled. I will need it for my journey when I am older. I thought to myself. "I will, in due time when you show you are ready I will teach you." He smiled.

            "What do you mean when I show I am ready?" I tilted my head to the side curiously. "When you gain the control over fire. That is when I will teach you." He brought his chin down looking me in the eyes.

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            Ten Years Later and I am the young woman I am today, determined to find the one I love. There are many obstacles I must overcome before I find my mother and bring her back to Hades. My powers with fire is starting to improve, and I've become a fast learner, more advanced than any Witch, Wizard, Sorcerer, and Sorceress my age.

            I started wielding fire when I was just six years old. Father taught me how to heal and use different fighting styles with it. My heart grew colder and my eyes glowed dimmer, I'm not that happy five year old that I used to be. I'm now this stone cold person that is in search for one person and one person only. That person Is my mother.

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            I was walking in the forest dressed in my new cloths that suited such an Elf looking person like me. I closed my eyes and listened carefully to all the sounds in the woods waiting to hear footsteps. I heard the small feet of a squirrel running across a tree branch. I twisted and turned my head  in search of sounds that might give me a clue. I heard the sound of a young person's feet. I unsheathed my sword and twisted it in my hands turning around and stopped at a young man's throat. I looked at his face and seen is purplish blue skin looked pale.

            "Young man, may I ask who you are?" I asked holding my sword at his throat. "

Author's Note

Ignore Grammar and spelling problems, what do you think about it and how can I make it better?

Reviews

[Mary Evans]

Its a bit fast paced and i feel you need to go into more details. Otherwise its good so far. Also i think you need to specify whether she remembers her past life or not.

One thing:
"determined to find the one I love." Th one she loves or her mother? The two are kind of different.

So in conclusion, good work so far but you'll need to put much more into revising and polishing. Do work on your sentence structure.

[Coyote Poetry]

You can tell a very good story. I like the pace of this chapter. She had grow up and is getting stronger. I like her desire to be able to save her mother and bring her back. A very strong chapter. I will read on.
Coyote

[Snickers]

Okay u guys I know it was a rush I was half-asleep writing it, like you know how you start writing and then you don't know what your writing. Thats kind of what happened I will edit as soon as I can

[La3uren]

the beggining is very rushed, tyy to slow it down. whan hes sentancing that spirit, let the reader feel her confusion. otherwise, very good! i want to keep reading

[Observer]

I agree, it is a bit rushed. A story being fast is not a bad thing if you use it right. It can help the flow and feel of the story. I think you might want to describe the mother since she does look like your main character. Even a little more insight on her personality since is seems the Main's character attitude has differed from who she was exactly alike. You might think of talking about her stone cold personality earlier in th chapter. Just a thought. Good ruff chapter, it made me curious.

[Daydreamer54]

well, i think the story is a little bit frast and I asked as tears fell onto. u mean said bercause she didn't ask a question.