A Poem by Devyani

a "kidnapped" scenario

Bound and gagged,
Crippled by fear.
A surge of helplessness
Expressed as a tear.

Alone in the darkness
Curled up in a corner.
Notions of the end
And thought of the mourners.

A mental picture
Of a black casket,
The cogs of life
Breaking away at the gasket.

Beads of sweat make appearances
With the approaching footsteps.
All that comes to mind
Is the advancing terror and it's depths.

A glint in the black velvet
Is a reminder of impending doom
The menacing laughter and it's
Sounding echo all across the room.

© 2010 Devyani

Author's Note

Not writing from personal experience (thank you very much!!) Ahh.. So this is about someone who get's kidnapped and these are the last things he/she faces (... or if ur a sucker for happy endings, a loved one crashes in through the door,, coz No windows involved ) =]

My Review

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Nice emotional build up that preserve the suspense without seeming too over dramatic. Moreover, the absence of the word "kidnap" throughout the poem make it very flexible as it can have other interpretations and meanings.

Keep Writing. ^___^

Posted 7 Years Ago

such a different theme..that's a great has a flow and that makes it a pleasure to read..the way the feelings have been expressed are commendable

Posted 8 Years Ago

Improving that rhythm and those special line breaks I see - nice job! It rolled right off my tongue :)

Dark emotions - it really helps that you look at the whole piece of writing, not just the poem itself and how the words come together but also how the words look - how they make the reader feel. Very much a very creative artists theory.I am impressed by that.
I think you can expand somehow if you want the poem to express what you intended it to be about. I never would have guessed it was about someone who was kidnapped if you hadn't said so, though after I read your description, I could clearly see all the things that made that obvious.
On the other hand, there isn't any reason to try and force the reader to embody why you wrote it unless your reason for writing it is to provoke a thought, tell a story, or send a message; i.e. when we write about our political opinions or our feelings about animal cruelty, for example and etc. we may be trying to send a clear message. You don't have to of course - but if you would like the reader to get some sense of the intent without a description, you will want to enable it a little more - I have trouble doing it and keeping my stuff unique or abstract, but it is accomplished by great writers all the time. You are really good at provoking movement and feeling just in all the little ways you use every tool you have to do it, so I am sure you could bring out even more into your work if you tried to pull as much as you could from what you want to write about, and not say or give a description. I learned the exercise in writers group - write as if you were being kidnapped or the kidnapper even, it forces you to expel much more and then we just keep practicing and seeing how much closer to the feelings of the subject we wrote about, from the reader. You can never expect the reader to know exactly what, or how you felt or what significance some moment has that would inspire you to put it down on paper - no one can be in there or know completely, but you, but we can be moved to those same emotions. With a fictional subject, the skies the limit it would seem though - we do not have to be you to know what you wrote about. People have been dissecting poetry for years just to determine what someone was truly writing about. It might be kind of fun to let the reader dissect yours. You might be amazed like I was at how much more you can get into a piece just so there are subtle clues to the subject matter, without completely sabotaging the point of it being a poem at all. This piece definately evoked fear... The part about the approaching footsteps is great - I might expand on that they are anonymous - or somehow clue into that they are a strangers, but again that's only if you'd like it to tell the story and the reader know what its about, without any description. I know it seems it should be obvious, but it was only to me after I read your Author's Note. You have a great imagination - you have to assume the reader may not have an imagination as great as yours.

I do hope you are seeing that you just keep getting better and better, and everything I've read is so great already - it's pretty exciting to watch...

A glint in the black velvet

What a fantastic line - wow!

Posted 8 Years Ago

Love the opening line...
"Bound and gagged,
Crippled by fear.
A surge of helplessness
Expressed as a tear."
you really expressed some great emotions there
infact I bet it could even stand alone as a poem on it s own
also very nicely described here...
"Beads of sweat make appearances
With the approaching footsteps.
All that comes to mind
Is the advancing terror and it's depths."
Good Job!
You are a very good writer.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Keep it up…
Well written theme…

Posted 8 Years Ago

I couldn't understand what it was about until I read the NOte and then liked it even much more... It's a very interesting topic and not very noticeable in poems... You expressed the this ghastly experience very well... :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

This is really good. A lot of imagery. I like that you ended it in a way that we can choose what happens next. Like you said, the last things that happen to her or right before her shining knight bursts in to save the day (or a fat cop, whichever gets there first). Good work.

Posted 8 Years Ago

the expression of your thoughts is as vivid as possible. you choose unique topics. :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

"A surge of helplessness
Expressed as a tear"

Definitely my favorite part of the whole poem, so emotional and powerful. Excellent job!

- S.T.

Posted 8 Years Ago

You create this sense of helpless so vividly, the thoughts that drift through the mind when in terror's grasp. Excellent write!

Posted 8 Years Ago

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21 Reviews
Added on April 6, 2010
Last Updated on April 6, 2010



Delhi, New Delhi, India

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