Once

When the love of his life tries to leave.

The eyes I once loved are now squashed in my hands.

The skin I once stroked is now shredded in the bin.

The hair I once combed is now cut up and burned.

The lips I once kissed are now glued to the doll.

The ears I once whispered in are now boiling in a pot

The fingers that I once laced in mine are now food for my dog.

The breast I once cherished is now jelly for my bread.

The legs I once hugged are now burning in my fireplace.

The woman I once loved is now a figment of my imagination.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

WOW! Harsh! But unfortunately, also true to life (with some exaggeration, I hope), as far as those who can't tolerate when a loved one leaves. Your imagination is firing vividly, albeit in dark notes of destruction. Intense details are what make a piece POP! There are a few cases where noun-verb relationships don't work . . .
line 1: eyes are now squashed
line 4: lips are now glued
line 5: ears are now boiling
line 6: fingers are now food for dog
line 8: legs are now burning

[Bluebird91]

That actually sound so much better. I'm gonna change it now. Thank you!

[Haseo]

wow, very scary but interesting, I want to know what this woman you once loved did to you so she deserve such a harsh fate

[Bluebird91]

Actually it was a man who broke my heart (I'm straight as an arrow honey) he cheated and I put my pain into a poem. I wouldn't do that in real life but it made me feel better when I put in on paper 😁

[Haseo]

The pain in the words can ease the pain of the flush... i can feel what you are saying.
keep it up and i hope to see more of your writings soon

[heylel]

I love the dark imagery! You portray emotion in this piece very well. In your first line, maybe think about changing 'is' to 'are'? It's a little awkward to read. You don't have to, I can see that you're sticking to the 'is' in each line and I feel like it gives it more style. I really like this poem! I'm a big fan of dark imagery, thank you for sharing!

[Bluebird91]

Thank you!! I was thinking about it needed a little tweaking lol.

[Indra Dharma]

Loved your poem!

It's funny how time can change what "once" was something we love dearly and turn it into something the exact opposite. I guess we've all been there.

[Bluebird91]

It gets better with time though :)

[Bluebird91]

And thank you!

[Indra Dharma]

I hope so :)
You're welcome!

[Paul Bell]

Sadly love does that to you, hits you on the blind.

[Bluebird91]

True. My ex boyfriend was horrible. I dreamed about killing him last night so I changed it up to a woman and whop a poem lol

[Mifa]

Lol. You dreamed about killing him huh?

[Bluebird91]

He was that horrible. But I'm fine and he's been out of my life for about two years. (Thank God)