Traveling

Visigoths and priceless moths swarm

Goin south or anywhere warm

Diseased mice and Jesus Christ go

Across the land to find a new Rome

 

Got so damn small that

I could see gravity

Got tinier then time

And I'm still traveling

Went a little further 

Now I'm big as Ma'at

And I have no clue 

What the hell it wants

 

Klu Klux saints and that classic malt shake

Couldn't figure out how to save the bank

A heartless hippie and a moneyless yuppie

Don't say a single word but keep protesting

Take a sleeping pill

Labeled "Amphetamine"

Can't focus on the road

But I'm still traveling

 

And typically I'd just say

Everyone's insane

But lately we seem plain

Isn't it great?

 

Dead people talk and breath that miasma

Smells like Ritolin and a shot of viagra

Captain!

Don't Panic

This ship might just sink

But we've led full lives,

And what will the people think?
Traveling along,
But what will the people think?

Reviews

[13point9]

I love this, start to finish. It feels fast and harsh right from the get-go and it drives hard the whole way, but sort of has that lingering ahh.. feel like you're slowly recognizing it and it settles very naturally. We're all caught up in this sort of general directionlessness (and are all just baffled by the whole thing), trying to shake off all this history (and equally afraid of the future as we are eager to get there) and everyone desperately wanting to be anything great in so many conflicting ways and just winding up... something substantial but still inadequate. You say the whole lot of it so much better than I ever could.

The whole thing pulls together really beautifuly. Each stanza is brutally sharp in its own right and clicks with the others. The rhythm and tempo carry it nicely, and the constant near-rhymes are great. It keeps up the rhythm of it, but sort of sets it on edge so you need to snag it before it teeters over. Really brilliant.

[Bluemerlin]

Hey, haven't seen you on here for awhile:] Glad you enjoyed this! I wrote it in my history class at some point, when I was learning about the Visigoths and all their constant pillaging, and just how there is a constant push with anything powerful in history. Nothing ever stays still, especially not religion, plague, and ritolin x]

Anyway, glad to see you back on here.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

This is brilliant. really enjoy your style this poem is witty, funny and easy to relate to.

"Got so damn small that
I could see gravity
Got tinier then time
And I'm still traveling"

Loved it. :)

[Bluemerlin]

I'm glad it's relatable, I'm usually most worried about that particular quality of whatever I do. read moreI'm glad it's relatable, I'm usually most worried about that particular quality of whatever I do.

And I love those lines too:3 It's always great when you can walk away from something with a certain smugness. I'm sure you can relate.

[Angel Criner]

I like the fact that I could visualize every moment taking place throughout the write and the scenes weren't at all abrupt in their transition. An adventure that lasted less than a couple minutes yet it felt like a travel through time... Enjoyed!

[Bluemerlin]

Wonderful, I'm glad you took so much from the poem!

[Jacob J Black]

I really enjoyed that poem. Great work!

[Bluemerlin]

I'm glad I could entertain! Cheers.

[Coyote Poetry]

It is quite a traveling poem. Took me to many places and thoughts. I did enjoy the journey. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Bluemerlin]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks very much for taking the time to read and review.